“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

Date:   6/21/2007 1:19:02 AM ( 17 y ago)

()=goal
Symptoms:
skin:
face a little dry (goal:smooth)
neck smooth (smooth)
shoulder a little dry (smooth)
chest scattered bruises,easily irritated by sweat (smooth)
abdomen smooth
pelvis a little dry, inflammation down to slight (smooth, no inflammation)
upper arm smooth, dull (fair, smooth)
elbow dry, slight inflammation, slightly bruised (smooth, no inflammation, no bruises, able to see radial vein)
lower arm smooth, spotting [skin renewing to fairer complexion] (smooth, fair)
right hand a little wrinkled (as smooth and fine as left hand)
right wrist sightly dry, bruises healed (smooth)
callus peels off easily
inner thigh scattered bruises, fair, skin repaired (smooth, fair)
left and right thigh some spotting [skin renewal] (smooth, fair)
back thigh smooth
knee cap mildly dry, scattered bruises, slight inflammation skin has repaired, fair (smooth and fair, no bruises no inflammation)
back of knee smooth, inflammation, fair (smooth, fair, NO INFLAMMATION)
left lower leg (front) dry and dull, scattered bruises closed, no inflammation [needs more work than right lower leg], spotting [skin renewal] (fair, no bruises, smooth)
right lower leg (front) smooth, fairer [still renewing], bruises healed, slight inflammation, slight spotting (smooth, fair, no inflammation, no bruises)
feet ventrum slihglty dry and mildly inflammed (smooth, fair)
ankles a little dry (smooth)

tongue: thin white film on whole tongue
odour:--
BM:--
others:drank papaya and kiwi juice this morning (made me feel at peace and happy) tomorrow, back to water
overall:slight discomfort but determined to be focused a little scared but hopeful

sleep: 7 hrs

Exercise
1. stayed home today
2. went to clementi to pick watches for a friend

Goals:
1. I want fantastic health, free of diseases and addictions.
2. Clear eczema
3. Lose 10kg

I made an observation about my mental vitality. Focused like a laser beam, my whole being becomes aligned to the goal and there is accelerated forward stride. Thinly spread over a series of tasks, my being becomes so distracted my physical, emotional, and mental facets cannot function in tandem--like a loose cannon. This precariously destabilizes me psychologically, which acts through a vicious circle. During weakness in any physical, emotional aspect, focused energy can purport and buffer these problems. There are dangers though. Emotionally, I have a tendency to raise my hopes so high, a little hiccup can easily set me off. At the same time, I have aproblem with immediacy, wanting things to happen fast and good. Two things to note. Physically, I have a tendency to relieve my stress by taking out on food. Another point to note.

The most grounding question is, "how much do I want healing?"

My answer?

A whole lot, more than anyone can imagine. So ok it is a process--and not an easy one--but I will get there if I just stay focused. Just be careful of the red flags I raised earlier.

*******

I miss my boyfriend. I know it is silly but I do. When I spend summer with him next month, I hope everyday will be full of fireworks. I plan to buy some chinese delights from Chinatown for him and his family. I feel as if he and I are having a cultural exchange--between a turkish man and a chinese gal. I miss him.

We have underwent many rough patches, all caused by my objecting father (whom I do not recognize nor live with anymore). I do not understand why he went out of the way for me for the last two years when he could have easily broke off with me and find someone who came "trouble-free". If he has stayed so loyal out of love, I already appreciate him dearly. I think my father has been causing some problems again (he does not want to tell me the details) but he is upset and I know that in such circumstances, there is little that I can say or do to make him happy. However, I told him I think of him always, love him and cherish him and will be the happiest to hold him again this summer. He is a very special man.

I gotta get back in shape and recover quickly. I gotta buy bras to go with my lingerie. haha





 

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