The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy beauty, even one's own -even more, one's own, for that has been put in our care and we are responsible for its well-being.” Katherine Anne Porter

Date:   4/28/2007 9:17:21 PM ( 17 y ago)

Symptoms:
skin:
face smooth
neck mildly dry
shoulder mildly dry
chest smooth
abdomen smooth
upper arm mildly dry
elbow mildly dry
lower arm mildly dry, dull
hand wrinkly on the right hand, smooth
inner thigh mildly dry, slightly inflammed
knee cap dry, moderately inflammed
back of knee smooth, mild inflammed
lower leg skin renewal
feet ventrum parched patch healing
ankle healing

tongue:white film covering whole tongue
odour:none
BM: twice
others: oil pulling--thick visvid white
overall feeling:

Exercise


Medication
0 GNC Ultimate Cleanse
2 Multivitamin
0 Evening Primrose Oil capsules

Goals:
1. I want fantastic health, free of diseases and addictions.
2. Clear eczema
3. Fight bulimia
4. Score A for finals

I watched a movie "The Affair of the Necklace" the night before.

The affair of the diamond necklace was a mysterious incident in the 1780s at the court of Louis XVI of France involving the queen Marie Antoinette. It concerned an unsavoury episode in which the wife of Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette, whose reputation was already tarnished by gossip and scandal, was implicated in a crime by contemporary public opinion. The Affair was historically significant as one of the events that led to the French populace's disillusionment with the monarchy, which eventually culminated in the French Revolution.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affair_of_the_diamond_necklace

Emotional issue 4
The show was alright but one part towards the end of the show made me tear. When Jeanne (Hilary Swank) was publicly punished (caned and tortured with hot iron), it reminded me of my abuse when both of my parents over the last year had violently hit me many times. It caused me so much strain I literally lived in fear. I was more sickly than ever because of it and it did cross my mind I would die during the pseudo-daily beatings. Until now, they are unwilling to apologise for their behaviour. In fact, they have tried to justify the beatings to my team of doctors that they were angry at me.

Honestly, although things are quiet right now, there is a muted Pandora's box that I believe can be provoked again. I have never had a relationship with my parents from a child--they do not know or understand me--hence I have never really felt any strong affinity towards them. After these 2 years of mistreatment, it is hard not to feel an added tinge of animosity because though I may say I have forgiven, I havfore not forgotten. The memories are so vivid it perpetually horrifies me when they cross my mind. I did not grow up thinking I would be a victim of abuse, but I am.

Today, I found another superstitious slip of paper in the most unexpected place--my wallet. My god, my sick parents went through even my wallet. f**king bastards. I started hyperventilating because the bad memories of the abuse started to return, but I told myself to calm down. Calm down.

The next step? I have to learn to deal with my pain and not abuse myself. I hope counselling will help. However, I will not bow down to anyone who and compromise my identity and beliefs. I value myself. I shall brandish the best of me and colour the world with magic and adventure--I will live! And I will not ask for permission or apologise for what I do or who I am because this is my life, take me as I am--or don't.

 

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