“If God created shadows it was to better emphasize the light” Pope John XXIII quotes (One of the most popular popes of all times (reigned 1958-63), 1881-1963)

Date:   4/22/2007 7:22:23 PM ( 17 y ago)

Symptoms:
skin:
face mildly dry
neck mildly dry
shoulder mildly dry
chest smooth
abdomen smooth
upper arm mildly dry
elbow mildly dry, with slight inflammation
lower arm mildly dry with small scattered bruises, dull
hand mildly dry, wrinkly on the right hand
inner thigh mildly dry, slightly inflammed
knee cap dry, moderately inflammed
back of knee smooth, mild inflammed
lower leg stubborn old skin
feet ventrum parched patch
ankle slight bruising, healing

tongue:white film covering whole tongue
odour:none
BM:
others:
overall feeling: not knowing what to expect, promising to acknowledge and examine emotional issues that come up along the way

Exercise
1. morning stroll
2. afternoon stroll
3. evening stroll

Medication
6 GNC Ultimate Cleanse
0 Multivitamin
0 Evening Primrose Oil capsules

Goals:
1. I want fantastic health, free of diseases and addictions.
2. Clear eczema
3. Fight bulimia
4. Score A for finals

After the coffee leading to the exams, I was not able to fast before the exams. However, today after deliberation, it is time to start the fast officially. I am going to go day by day and hopefully up till 4 weeks. By the end coincidentally is the release of my medical exam results and the sentosa beach v-ball party.

Emotional Issue 1

During my morning stroll, I was thinking about my followup medical evaluation which will be held in 2 days time. Previously, in my lost blog, I indicated that I checked myself into a mental facility in order to seek desperate shelter from an abusive family environment. During my stay, I met God and I decided to release myself from my suffering by forgiving them.

One of the components that the panel of doctors would definitely like to find out is how my family is, because I am sure it puzzles them what a girl like me is doing in a place like that.

I forgive my parents but I cannot forget what they have done to me. The trauma is so great I still have vivid flashbacks of each abuse. I am not angry at them but am still angry at what they have done to me. It is hard but I know I have to come to terms with the fact that my parents will never ever be good parents. They have never been, not are and I honestly hope they will not try to be. Because whatever they try to do, it causes me immense stress often leading me to sickness. I just hope that the family counselling, which I am frankly very reluctant to waste my time to accept, will help them to become better human beings. The real hope I have--and can only have--is to replace an erstwhile acrimonious relationship with a cordial one.

Nonetheless, dealing with my family issue is an anathema. When my mum asked me over a small argument a few days back, I told her calmly that there is no way I will ever trust them. In addition,no matter how hard it must be to hear, when they pass on I probably will not feel too much because I have never been close to either of my parents since I was born. I have spent my entire life diligent in being better than my parents, resulting in polar personalities between my parents and me. I cannot wait to graduate and live on my own.

Don't get me wrong. I care for them, like other human beings, but I do not love them. Simply because I do not have--and would not like to have-- a relationship with them.I wished ever since I was 9 I had better role models, but these are the only parents I know and however I may be unhappy about, these are what I have to learn to settle with and deal with.

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

Pope John XXIII quotes (One of the most popular popes of all times (reigned 1958-63), 1881-1963)

Emotional Issue 2

I am irritable, terribly irritable. It is hard to concentrate on anything too long because my mood is flat and low. I examined the underlying problem and figured that it was because of how mad I am at have not absolutely fixed my eczema problem that makes me feel very stuck, unable to do all the things I want to do.

I know it is silly because firstly, I have come quite far and recovery is underway and secondly, it is foolish to concentrate my efforts on the "not-haves". However, it is still hard. I hate not being able to do all the things I want to do, especially feel comfortable in my own body.



Altar of Zeus

 

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