a brief semi-adequate description of the most intense 2 weeks I've encountered yet

Date:   9/10/2006 1:41:12 AM ( 18 y ago)

too much to say and not enough time.

I want to do this journal because I've experienced some of the oddest disparities since receiving johrei between my thoughts/feelings and the outside world's reaction to them. i.e. I spoke to my mother on the phone feeling quite devastated (healing crisis?) over the current state of my life, yet she sounded really happy when we got off the phone, like we'd had a pleasant conversation. I don't think my upset reflected in my tone or caliber of voice, and I didn't want to bring her down by telling her I felt like I was going schizo.

I'm a performer, and there have been a few occasions in which I get onstage and feel quite bad about my performance, yet people seem elated after watching me.

I've been told that johrei brings stuff to surface that's been buried and it can feel odd and scary, yet trust the miracles and keep going and I'll be amazed.

I got really freaked out after 2 weeks of going to the center daily, feeling like I had nobody I could adequately talk to about what I've been experiencing, while it's the most intense feeling ever... the people at the center will listen, but I don't always know what to say.

Anyhow, I think I'll go back tomorrow and try to stick with it and just keep documenting this stuff so I don't forget it. too much has occured in the past few weeks to adequately record now... i.e. the most bizarre synchronicities, people giving me gifts out of nowhere, my closest spiritual relationship coming to a screeeching halt when the woman I've respected for nearly a year as sort of a humble divine authority figure snapped violently at me, attacking me excessively with no intended provocation on my part...

more later.

 

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