I made it 2 weeks and I'm not looking back!

Date:   8/14/2006 11:59:33 PM ( 18 y ago)

I made the 2 week mark which I knew I would probably do. I am really worried about these cravings I am getting lately though. I know that it will be a battle for the rest of my life.

Today I went for my assessment to get into out-patient rehab. Guess what though? They said my second assessment would be on September the 15th. That is a month and 1 day. Are they stupid or what? This is a failing system. They let court appointed go before people that actually want the help. I will find another place to go if I feel like I can't wait that long, but I think I may be able to if I set my mind to it. By that time I probably won't need it as much as I do now. At any rate I do not plan on drinking and so far these 15 days sober
I also have to wait for an appointment to the doctor's office. Time is something that is going to test me. I will try to remain strong and keep on writing in this blog. It is giving me the most help so far. It really is helping me because when I want to drink I think about how it will look here. I hope that this blog will one day help someone in a similar situation. This is giving me some of the motivation to quit. I have this thought in my mind that keeps telling me if the doctor's visit comes up ok and I have no problems, then it will give me a free ticket to drink again until I do get sick. It makes me sick to think that way, but it is always occurring in my mind. I am in need for a new mind set and hope that I will hurry up and find it. I am thinking about getting involved in church and some other activities that I can focus on to get my mind off of alcohol.
As far as making it through the weekend. I told all of my fiancee's family that I was battling alcohol and that I quit. They didn't know that I was having a hard time with it at all. They just thought I got occasionally drunk. I am very open with it though and have let everyone around me know, including my co-workers. Even strangers that I don't know I have told what I was going through. I am not going to sugar coat my disease anymore. I want it out in the open so that I can constantly remind myself what I have dealt with for the past 16+ years plus the years that I was growing up and living with my father which was an alcoholic. It is scary to think about that, but I pretty much had it around me my whole life. Sad is what it is and I have the choice to make my daughter's life different than mine was.
Life is better right now. I am enjoying everything around me. I know that something will come up and test me soon, but I have to worry about that when it comes. One day at a time is all I need right now. I look forward to waking up sober in the morning and it is something that I am still not used to. I just want to be normal again.


 

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