Making sense of reality

Date:   8/8/2006 9:55:20 AM ( 18 y ago)

It just makes sense to stop now. It is progressing to the destructive stage now. I had a lot of fun drinking and I would like to go back and change a lot of things, but there was some fun in it and there were times that it was not that bad. For the most part though, it has definitely had a small effect on my health and even later will probably show what damage it has really caused. Not only that, but I have broken a lot of bridges because I chose alcohol and it is not normal to live life like that. Life should be as peacful as possible, but the road of alcohol was leading to chaos for me. I would give anything to be able to drink 3 beers and stop. Heck, even if I was a weekend warrior it wouldn't be so bad. I am a slave for alcohol though and it has control over what I do for the most part. I could be fine one minute, then the next minute I might be drinking and screw up my plans for the whole day. It doesn't stop there though. I have a daughter now and a beautiful girlfriend that cannot see why I have to drink when everything can be so perfect. I couldn't even stop for this though? It took me getting sick to realize what was actaully happening to me. It is really a selfish reason because everyone in my life has wanted me to stop drinking, but if it takes me getting sick, then so be it. I'm glad and people keep asking me if I am going to the doctor. I am starting to feel a lot better and I can't see what a doctor can really help me with besides telling me to quit drinking.

I am ready for this new life. It is really weird, but it is just like I woke up out of bed. These 9 days have been almost perfect. I think God is helping me with the detox symptoms because they are not that bad. I am eating lots of salads and puting lots of nutrition inside my body and I know that is making me feel really good. This isn't impossible and I hope this lasts. I still think of having another beer at least 3 times a day. I learned something a long time ago, probably through rehab, probably not, but when you think of something that you want like alcohol, you immediately think of something gross or just detest it in your mind as soon as the thought manifests. I have done this a lot lately and it really seems to work well. I'm just to the point of stopping no matter what it takes. I think with some time under my belt it will be easier, but right now I know it just takes less than a minute to decide to drink again and less than 5 minutes to get it.


 

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