I'm struggling mentally now and outside influences aren't helping.

Date:   7/11/2006 8:16:00 PM ( 18 y ago)

I reached (and passed) my goal of ten days on Sunday. I'm still feeling good. I'm starting to have more periods of weakness and feelings of hunger but they usually pass when I drink another lemonade. I still haven't experienced many detox symptoms and I have to keep reminding myself that this is still good for my system. I'm going to go for another five days and break on Saturday. Since this is my first fast, I think 15 days is long enough. I don't plan on doing any other protocols when I finish. I need to research this more and decide if I want to incorporate any of that into my next MC. This has been a big stretch for me and I'm not sure I really buy into all the flushes (liver, parasite, colon, kidney) that I've been reading about on the forum.

My big struggle right now is a mental one - not because of temptations and cravings (I haven't had a problem with that) but because I know I could quit at any time and have nothing to be ashamed of. I have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this. I've only told a few people what I'm doing. All, except one coworker, think I'm a little crazy. My husband has accepted that this is something I need to do but isn't the type to stand on the sidelines and cheer me on. My oldest son, who live nearby, is concerned and told me this just isn't normal! My younger son, home from college for the summer, is so absorbed in his own life that I could be on a starvation diet and I don't think he would notice. The ironic thing is that he is trying to gain ten pounds and is on a 3500 calorie diet. I've told only a few other people (coworkers). One is very supportive and gave the book to her sister who is interested in trying it. The other one will probably give me a hard time this week when she finds out I'm going to keep going. She says her only concern is that I don't take things too far but she was that way when I lost weight three years. She was afraid I was going to waste away to nothing. (This is funny since she must weigh at least 250 pounds). I also told my parents who live in Portland. My mother was very concerned but fortunately I think she's forgotten because I've talked to her several times since and she hasn't mentioned it! My in-laws live in town and we see them often. She fixes dinner for us every other week and it is something she really looks forward to. She is 80 and has Parkinson's and probably can't do this much longer. I made an excuse last week but I can't do that again so that's another reason why I have to break this weekend. There's no way I could tell her about the fast. She thinks I don't get enough fat in my diet as it is. I've tried explaning good fat/bad fat but she doesn't get it.

I am not doing the SWF any more. I decreased the salt as suggested by a forum member but I eliminated very little of it. I could try increasing the salt but I just don't want to keep experimenting with it this close to my end date. The next time, I'll work on getting the amount of salt right from the beginning. For now, I'll just do the teas both morning and night. The problem with the tea in the morning is that I can't predict when it's going to hit. It seems to work faster than the evening tea -- probably because I'm moving around. Lately, I'm only having one stool from each tea. In the beginning, I would have 2-3. I worry about using the tea so much.

I've lost another pound and am down to 134 (from 142). Even if I gain some of it back, it's a good jump start. I know what I need to do to lose the rest. It's great to comfortably fit into my clothes again.

 

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