Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Its been 3 weeks since
I broke my fast and longer than that since I posted my last
blog entry. For the life of me, it wasn't that I did not want
to do it, but its taken this long to integrate the shifts a
30 day cleanse facilitates. I have run through my mind a
thousand times the things I would like to share with others
but then, to step off my current hamster wheel pace would have
felt like another wreck and so my mental notes stacked like
3X5 cards and now to make a collage of it all seems
disconnected and amusing.
Still, I made the journey and arriving at my personal finish
line was a triumph and as I danced naked in front of
the mirror and did my twirly happy girl dance, I wished I had
written to share that moment more than the others which by
the Grace have sunk below the calm into my subconscious and
were transcribed into my karmic ledger of things I did good
for my body.
I would still like to share some of the major highlights
although mellow in comparison to most, since life in the
country can be amazingly boring while at the same time
things seem to jump or cause jumping in the case of snakes
and scorpians.
Today is a perfect day to cough up some feelings too since
it is one of those days when the rain clouds moved over in
a dramatic fashion and then the pouring began and all my
other intentions like washing and hanging the clothes out
to dry went down some mental drain and I relaxed, made a
cup of coffee and at least for the next few hours will take
the day off. The dogs, who I must amaze, since I always
seem to let them in just as the thunder and lightning and wind
begin to crescendo and the line of garbage cans begin to
scatter, are now safely laying at my feet. A cup of warm
brew sits beside my ever faithful glass of water and if
not for occasionally admiring the storm and the torrential
rain, my mind is here for this while.
For those familiar with Doc Watson's rendition of this song
whose lyrics may be familiar to some, listen in your
mind, to him play & sing along, that's what I do!
Down in the Valley to Pray
As I went down in the valley to pray
Studyin' about that good old way
And who shall wear the stary crown
Good Lord, show me the way
Oh fathers let's go down
Let's go down come on down
Oh fathers let's go down
Down in the valley to pray
As I went down in the valley to pray
Studyin' about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way
Oh mothers let's go down
Come on down don't you wanna go down
Come on mothers and let's go down
Down in the valley to pray
As I went down in the valley to pray
Studyin' about that good old way
And who shall wear the stary crown
Good Lord, show me the way
Oh brothers let's go down
Let's go down come on down
Come on brothers and let's go down
Down in the valley to pray
As I went down in the valley to pray
Studyin' about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way
Come on sinners and let's go down
Let's go down oh, come on down
Come on sinners and let's go down
Down in the valley to pray
As I went down in the valley to pray
Studyin' about that good old way
And who shall wear the stary crown
Good Lord, show me the way
While I was offline for a few weeks, I busied myself
with the details of detoxing but also listened to music,
and delved into inspiring books and DVDs, Deepak Chopra
and Wayne Dyer being favorites.
Doc Watson singing to me, "Down in the Valley to Pray"
was a favorite to sing along with and to bring into focus
my goal of spiritual renewal. Many of you may of heard
Doc Watson's rendition of this song, although it was
also featured in the movie, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?",
sung by Alison Krauss.
Seems many of my spiritual epiphanies are related to music.
I can listen to a particular CD and remember where I was
when I got it and what was happening in my life. Of course,
it wasnt all that long ago that I was down in the *river* to
pray and so it was very uplifting for me...
It turned out to be a good thing that I broke down on the
side of the cyberhighway. It allowed me to slow down and listen.
I listened a lot. It was a meditation of the breath. Pulling in
my focus so that afterward, when I allowed my choices to expand,
I might feel differently about it and pay closer attention.
In a way, doing the Master Cleanse had me feeling like I was
forged in a fire and beaten to a sharpness. I craved awareness
and peace and balance. I wanted to believe of myself that I
could meet the challenges of living on a planet full of so
many diverse humans, that to find the one thing in common which
could hold us together instead of tearing us apart, has become
a daily search.
What I found, that worked for me, was something most consider
precious and yet I found if I gifted it to others, it came back
to me in kind. That gift is love. It is a gift we give and receive.
That we should learn to share it with our fellow humans
is something worth striving for. So simple too, that Golden Rule
stuff our own elders would admonish us to remember when we were
young and needed reminding.
I also wanted to see myself reflected in my world, I wanted to
bring wellness into my life on all levels including planetary.
We have so many challenges as a species spinning around a star
in a Universe that we can only imagine, it is so big.
The lemonade and the other aspects of my fast in the latter
days were fine. Not a problem. I appreciated it more because
the lemonade and fasting had become like an old friend.
Someone/thing who reflects and mirrors to me that which I try
not to glimpse. It soaked me out of denial and encouraged me to
face myself in a good way. A controlled way, and a healthy way.
I knew that the fast eventually would have to end and all the
practice of delaying gratification and saying NO to my inner child
and YES to owning my choices would become more real as the obstacles
of life and friends and food became a part of my reality again.
It became about being in the present. It was laying in the sun
watching the clouds and wondering what the others who cloud watch
were praying about. It felt magical to go out on a starry night and
know I was not alone. That countless others were with me in their
thoughts and prayers. Distance may define one aspect of the experience,
but the act of looking up brings countless numbers into a simple
resonance. I was one of *them*...
If you look up at night to admire the stars and pray, know I am too.
Breaking went fine. My oranges were not as sweet as I would have
preferred, but a dollop of maple syrup made all the difference.
I had frozen soup and cheated a little there but it also flashed
me to cooking and nurturing and I could taste the goodness in my
soup...and that was a divine taste!
Any excuse to eat good yogurt works for me. I was real good
at portion control, eating only a 1/4th cup of soup or yogurt
at a time. It did not take long to feel comfortable enough to up
the amount. I had fasted 30 days though and wanted to go slow.
That lasted until the 4th of July. Rain and company helped me
toss all discipline to the wind and drink a beer. Again, confession
is good for the soul!
Yes, it was naughty. Yes, it tasted great. No, I did not feel
guilty because I give myself permission to make choices that may
not be popular with others or myself! It was good for my soul...ggg.
I had a great time with my friends and other than the beer dehydrating
me, I did not seem to suffer any serious side effects.
Life happened while I was away, off-line. I spent more time outside.
I picked pears and figs and apples to eat and share with our birds.
My good guy neighbor came over and picked grapes which he turned into
jelly and jam. He got strawberries and make preserves. I was still
fasting when he did that project so I enjoyed going and inhaling deeply
of my neighbor's kitchen.
The rainy weather brought out snakes and I felt fortunate not to
have killed any although my neighbor loves to argue my logic. One
afternoon, I was out in our garage with some company. I turned to
see a large snake just feet from me in a big coil. Snake, I girl
shrieked! My company rushed over just in time to see the snake
slither under the garage freezer. He grabbed this gizmo that helps
you pick up socks or something, a Golden Retriever thingey. His
intent was to reach under the freezer and nab the snake but what
appeared was a huge toads foot! So, he grabs the toads foot and
pulled it out.
Attached to this toads foot and large body was its face, which was
gargantuan by comparison to the snake, who was trying to eat the
toad face first. My friend says, "Looks like he is trying to eat
an elephant!". He nabbed the snake with the Golden Retriever and
the snake spits out the toads face. We both looked at the spasming
snake...not a bad snake, we both agreed.
He took the Golden Retriever, snake in clamp, and carried it
across the road for a change of scenery. The snake was fine.
The toad even shuddered a bit and hopped off! It was the biggest
real toad I had ever seen!
I broke with OJ, but after finishing up a whole bag, I immediately
juiced half a watermelon. It tasted like liquid fruit sorbet,
all summery and sweet. I was in juice heaven. I especially liked
that it was so alkalizing.
One major surprise post-cleanse was something that happened. One
of my friends came home to get their boat. He shined it and spiffed
it and it looked really nice. It is a boat like one they used in an
early James Bond Movie. Not so big as sporty.
He hooked the boat trailer to his truck and was going to leave
at the crack of dawn one morning. We said our goodbyes the night
before since he did leave early. Earlier than the early I woke up
hoping to still see him...ggg. He called me from the road to report
the surprise. He was checking his rigging and discovered 3 kittens
in the boat!
I was stunned especially since the cat who turned out to be the mama
was a cat I thought was a guy cat. She had come as a stray and I
could stand close to her but not touch her.
He was on an eight hour trip so it was too far to come back. He
called his wife and she was excited with the prospect of baby kittens.
She sent off for formula and some bottles at Petsmart. Me, I sort of
wished in a perfect fantasy, that the Highway Patrol would rescue my
kittens and bring them back home to their Mama...
There was a gaggle of women waiting when he arrived and they had
readied a basket for the babies which he carefully handed over to them.
Wait, one of the women said, I hear mewing! He searched the boat and
found 3 more kittens!
The dogs there were not impressed but everyone else was. I was
worried about the Mama Cat but she just wanted food and did not
even cry for her babies. I really felt it was a Divine Intervention
since the kittens were beginning to wander and we have our country
dogs which run together and they love if not live to chase cats! The
cats are amazing and survive fine in spite of the dogs but it would
have been a problem to keep a herd of kittens from wandering out
into the paws/jaws of a waiting dog.
I can only imagine that the Mama Cat "Blue" lifted each kitten into
the boat. She may have even intended to go along and escape with her
new family to a place where dogs did not live. I will never know, but
I know one thing. She missed the boat!
She cried later for a few days and I prayed for her but knew the right
thing had happened for her kittens. Thanks God~~~!
Well, the sun has come out, the doggies are nudging me, and so I
gotta go!
I wish all my fellow fasters much success. My story had a great
ending. All is well that ends well, right!
many blessings,
Zoe