There's catharsis, there's reality, and then there's hope

Date:   5/19/2006 1:26:41 PM ( 18 y ago)

Before anything else, I need to clarify that the reason I decided to blog is because writing is the best cathartic method I know.
The way I spill my thoughts onto the paper is, a lot of times, crude. Sometimes it helps to let out the raw emotions and feelings. If anybody reads this, you should know that I don't feel compelled to disguise or euphemize what I'm feeling. I need to call it by its name, and describe it as it is, in order to understand it, process it, and if it's necessary refrain it.
Yes, I did feel like dying last night, I might have even fantasized about it. But I've been down that path before, and I know that if the danger of the hopelessness taking over is imminent, then I should seek help. For a while last night, I kept my phone close to me. Ready to dial whatever number was necessary in case that indeed, I had overdosed.
If you decide to read my blogs, read them just as if they were part of a novel, one of those novels where the characters suffer all kinds of misfortunes and pains, but at the end.. there's always a happy ending. And, if you feel you could take advise that comes from someone like me, then let me advise you to read (whatever it is that you read) to learn, not to make other people's problems yours.
Having said that. Thanks for the words of encouragement and hope. The DID help. They are greatly appreciated =)

Well...

I'm still here. And I kind of feel like I should somehow apologize to the people who thought I was committing suicide. I apologiez not because of what I did/felt/expressed..... but because of what I might have made you feel or thought.
So, I'm still here. Alive.
I'm starting to think that my physician gave me placebo pills.
When they were prescribed I never took them, because I've always hated the idea of becoming addicted to them.
I don't think that the amount of pills that I took last night was extreme, but I thought the alcohol might take the effect over the edge, as both alcohol, and these pills are depressants of the nervous system.
So, just as I thought... if I survived the night, I could see life in a whole different light today.
It's not bright, it's not perfect, it's just enough to cling on, it's enough to look around and find a few traces of hope
I will be seeing my psychiatrist in a couple of hours.

 

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