on track and trying to get into the right frame of mind.

Date:   4/9/2006 2:32:45 PM ( 18 y ago)

thanks so much for the kind comment. :) it really cheers me up.
the challenge for me for where i am right now is to get over the disgusting and depressed feeling after having cheated without getting so complacent with where i am right now that i can't make it through the difficult moments that WILL come. i need to find a state of mind where i am not too depressed about having screwed up in the past but not too euphoric about having accomplished so much that i can permit myself to cheat. food always ends up being a disappointment. i never look back and think, wow, i'm so happy that i ate that pizza, that made me feel so good and i enjoyed it so much. it's always a big downer.
a helpful way to think about this in the past has been to say to myself that now, while i have a clear state of mind and can assess how it felt to be a little lighter, how it would feel to be as slender as i'd like to be and how it feels when i deviate from the plan, and have concluded that the best thing to do is to engage on one last stretch of a fast, i make that determination and tell myself that going forward, i am on autopilot to finish this fast. it seems like such an easy thing really because you don't have to affirmatively go out and do something strenuous or difficult, you just have to go through your day and leave out the eating. if i'm sitting around and the moments come where i want to eat, all i have to do is stay put and do nothing at all. that seems manageable, no?
i've decided that i'll go for another 652 hours (hours make it seem to go by faster and make me notice that every hour counts) now until i weigh in. by then, i'll hopefully be back to a weight that i'm pretty pleased with and not that far away from my goal weight. i'm afraid that if i weigh in now it will be such a downer to me. :( why again did i get myself into this position? urgh. oh well. i guess it's good that i've lost as much weight as i have, i'm still a lot less than i was when i started this out. the temporary blip up of 5 or 10 pounds is not going to be terribly hard to remedy and not the end of the world.
... moving on ...

 

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