An introduction of the who, what, when, why and how of the person behind this blog.

Date:   1/30/2006 8:17:48 AM ( 18 y ago)

I am a 30something year old mother and wife with a lot of life to live. I am a secular humanist -- agnostic by nature and definition (I'm often called an atheist by those who aren't clear on the distinctions *s*). Anyway, I'm very firm on my beliefs (and disbeliefs, as it were) yet I keep an open mind and am a very tolerant person.

I've been coming to curezone for at least a year. I think I actually joined months and months ago... even posted a time or two. I got busy with life for some time and, by the time I came back, I'd forgotten even my username. I'm here again because I find the information so intriguing and helpful that I now have the confidence to truly begin my journey.

On to the specifics...

My weight and size

I am 5'4" and 157 lbs. I can only admit this publically because I'm using an anonymous name for this blog. Even my slender husband doesn't know how much I weigh. At this weight, I am about 10 lbs overweight, as per "medical recommendations" (111 - 146 lbs). What do they know, right? *s* However, I agree. I would like to get into the 140's range.

I wear a size 12 pant, but in the junior miss section (cuter clothes there). I used to wear a size 8 and would never have to try on clothes before leaving the store. My bra size is 36B, although I believe I'm a small B or large A. Even at this size, I find that many "large" shirts in junior miss are too tight across my bustline and I'm forced into the "plus" sizes or the "older ladies" sections (much worse selection of clothing and I'm too cute and young-hearted for that).

Most people tell me I have a nice shape and call me "small". My husband does NOT want me to lose weight and will often touch me and say "hmm.. you're losing weight", even though I've not lost a single ounce in a year. He doesn't like skin and bones and I am the same way. I positively HATE the look of skinny models with ribs and hip bones sticking out. It's the most abnormal look one can have, and it's not for me.

I love having some meat on my arms and legs. I hate having a larger face (I was much cuter in the face when skinny) and inner thighs. There's got to be a happy medium!

My depression

I've been on SSRIs for about 4 years. I'm awful with times and dates, but I know this for sure because I began them after 9/11, when I simply couldn't regain myself. I knew noone on any of the flights or anyone connected to passengers, but it was the icing on the cake for me. I had so much going on in my life that this was more than enough to take me over the edge. The pills were right on time.

I've gone off the pills a few times, mostly when I didn't make it to the pharmacy for a refill -- a few days to a week. Twice I've gone an extended period of time and both times were pretty disastrous. I suffered all the awful effects of SSRI withdrawal -- dizziness ALL the time, even while laying down still, and awful brain zaps that make you wonder if your brain will be permanently damaged. I would also suffer all the things that got me on the drugs in the first place -- depression, apathy, paranoia, irritability, fatigue, hypersensitivity to sounds, touch and light, etc.

SSRI's are not addictive (habit-forming) but they are very difficult to come off of. You must have a lot of patience and wean VERY slowly off them. You also have to make some life changes while weaning, else you'll need pills forever. This, I've learned. I am now in the process of weaning myself off an SSRI and strenghtening myself emotionally to cope with... well, life.

My PMS

I've always suffered from PMS, since the age of 12. Why must an otherwise healthy woman suffer from this for so much of her life?!! I don't believe she must, so I am ready to fight it.

Last year, I called my GYN and scheduled an appointment to be worked up for a hysterectomy. No kiddin.. I was so at wit's end over my PMS that I was actually perfectly prepared to go under the knife and have a major part of my body chopped out. I was truly desperate. I still am, however, I fully believe I can conquer this without elective surgery. I will at least try.

My PMS begins as much as two weeks before my period. Can you imagine having PMS for 75% of your life?? My symptoms usually come in groups and tend to "rotate". This month will be fatigue, irritability and weepiness. Next month may be mood swings (nearly manic-depressive), loss of focus, bloating and food cravings. I have many more symptoms that vary in time and severity. The only positive symptom is a nice increase of libido *s*.

I almost ALWAYS have awful cramping, to the point where I feel like I'm in labor. Trust me, I know labor. Been there and done that, hadn't planned on doing it again, but monthly, I do. I have true contractions that rise and fall and come as often as every two minutes. It's crazy!! I say "almost always" I have cramping because there is the rare occasion where I make it through with mild cramping that require only a couple of Ibuprofens. Again, this is rare.

I am looking into positive methods of controlling my PMS including the use of herbal remedies. I have not completely dismissed the idea of medical therapies including ablation. However, I would like to avoid this if possible.

Of important note, I fully believe I am perimenopausal which may enhance my PMS. I believe I have been peri for at least a couple of years now. Tell a doctor that and see what happens.

My Parasites

Do I even have parasites? Who knows.. but it's likely. For one, I eat my fair share of meats, everything from Betsy to Porky. I like Betsy medium-rare. I've had plenty of pets from dogs when I was little, two cats for 5-6 years (gone for 8 years), a rabbit or two and fish. A bit off-topic, but several years ago I suffered from H. Pylori(s), a bacteria that can eat right through your stomach. I was misery and I believe I've never fully recovered. I may be worse for wear due to the cocktail of prescription meds my doctor put me on. Overall, my system could use a good cleaning.

My Colon

That label really sums up what I believe is the cause of several symptoms and issues I am currently facing. Lately I've been dealing with what I believe is gastric reflux. Food takes hours to "go down" and I often get that nasty "slight vomiting into the mouth" thing. I envision gastric juices trickling back down my esophagus -- that can't be good. I also feel like I cannot eat more than a baby-sized meal without feeling incredibly full... not full like "Wow, that was a great meal", but full as in distended and over-stuffed. I believe a good colon cleansing and change of diet will help to resolve this.

Anyway, I could write all day. ...perhaps I'll finish this post later.

 

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