I tried to get back on the MC for the wrong reason, and it's driving me insane!

Date:   1/28/2006 9:38:26 PM ( 18 y ago)

After a lot of funky internal dialog and a lot of struggling today, I decided to discontinue this half-ass attempt at continuing to fast. I did a lot of mental and emotional inventory, and realized that I am doing this cleanse for the wrong reason. The first cleanse I did for 12 days, and this recent one, were successful because I truly wanted to clean house. I wanted to start up again this time, because my 35th birthday is coming up in a few days and I wanted to see the numbers get as low as possible on the scale before then. NOT a healthy, sustainable, ecological reason for me to fast.

I've lost 80-something lbs. over the past three years, and I did it sanely, slowly, deliberately and ecologically. I did keep of the few lbs. I lost on the previous master cleanse, and expect to keep at least 5 lbs. off from this one, but stressing myself out by trying to lose weight fast, for an occasion, is counterproductive. I have developed great eating and exercise habits, learned to deal with my emotional eating, and I don't have to lose the rest of the weight RIGHT NOW. That's where I tripped myself up so many times before. I only had about 30 lbs. to lose the first time I got on this rollercoaster, and trying to lose it all NOW sent me on a hellish journey, where my weight topped out at 230 lbs.

So....I'm breathing...and relaxing....and going back to my healthy eating habits. I give myself permission....

BUT! I'll be back to do another MC, probably sometime this summer, I have no doubt!



 

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