40 days left and there's way too much to do.

Date:   6/12/2006 10:28:17 AM ( 18 y ago)

Wedding shower was great, trip to Pittsburgh was great. However...

Wow. I think I've been in some serious denial for a little while now. I wore my size 10 jeans, thinking I was the shit. I've been watching my progress and I think I look good, standing in front of the mirror.

However, seeing my shower pictures was an extremely rude awakening for me. I look OK, but I look pretty much like what I thought I looked like before I started losing weight (wow, imagine what I ACTUALLY looked like 20 pounds ago.)

I still look BIG. Bigger than I have any intention of looking for my wedding. So I'm attacking what seems to be the root of all evil - dinner. I just can't eat with my fiance at night any more. I think there's another 20 pounds I want to lose before the wedding, and I'm not sure at all that I can do it.

I think my daytime eating is good - some fruits and veggies and some low-fat low-calorie yogurt and nuts.

It's when I get home that I can't seem to stop snacking and eating.

I don't want to juice fast for the next 40 days till the wedding - I just can't deal. But I can do juice only for dinner and probably cut out 1/2 my daily calories.

I am also planning on doing an 11 day juice fast starting 7/7, to drop a final 5-6 pounds, hopefully.

But until then, I need to eat small meals during the day (yogurt, fruit, yogurt, powerbar) then run 4 miles or workout at the gym, then have carrot ginger juice for dinner.

If I could juice fast, plan the wedding and work and work out at the same time, I would, but there's no freaking way I can keep that up for the next month. So I'm doing a sort of dinner fast.

Shit. I'm kind of upset. I guess I don't really care, there's no way I'll be 155 for the wedding. There's just no way, and I need to deal with that. I'm at 185 (approx) at the moment and I have no intention of getting back on a scale before the wedding. There's just nothing I can do about it.

If I could get into the 160s I know I would be looking totally fine, but I'm not sure it's possible. The weight is not coming off quickly, and it's because I've been trying to balance having a relatively normal non-stressed out life with losing weight continuously - I've done the slow and steady thing and it's worked, but there's so much left to go and such a short period of time...

shit.

Well I'll just have to deal.

 

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