My fiance. Man, I'm glad he's mine! He's awesome!

Date:   5/19/2006 6:40:06 AM ( 18 y ago)

Got back from my run last night (only 2.5 miles, couldn't make it 4 miles, try again tonight).

My fiance said, you've been really preoccupied since the incident in the airport. What's going on?

I said I haven't felt right. My stomach hurts every time I eat and I just don't feel that great. He said where does it hurt - does it seem to hurt at the base of your sternum, between that and your stomach? I said - holy cow that's exactly what hurts.

He said, that's stress. Your stomach is roiling with acid because you're stressed. You need to do whatever it takes to chill out.

Me: I don't know what to do! I can't seem to stop thinking about money, the wedding, work, the potential new job which would be really challenging but I'm not sure I'm ready for a job change right this second, the pressure I'm putting on myself to lose weight, the guilt from basically eating anything combined with weirdness in my stomach...

He: Anna. YOu're doing everything right. You're eating a totally different way, you're exercising regularly, you're losing weight. You have to stop stressing yourself over it. Life is about pleasure. You work hard to enjoy things. YOu've got to enjoy things.

Me: Yeah - but that makes me think, why not push as hard as I can so I can be that much more thin by the wedding. I should work hard now, so I can enjoy the way I look at the wedding. (BTW, I'm probably in the 180s right now, between a size 10 and a size 12, full figured - I'm not anorexic by any means).


He: You can do whatever you want between now and the wedding. You can drink hummingbird juice for weeks. You can eat nothing but pizza. I'd still be happy to stand up there with you.
Say to yourself - I'm a good person. There's nothing wrong with me. You've got to find a way to chill out. Whether you want to drink hummingbird juice (his joke on me talking about juice fasting for 2 weeks) or what I don't care you just really need to chill. We've gone through a lot of majorly stressful stuff since we left NYC and I've gone through periods of stress/heartburn/indigestion. YOu just have to find that mind body connection and get it to chill out. Have you been doing yoga in the mornings?

Me: When would I have been doing yoga that you wouldn't have noticed?

He: Well, maybe you should think about it.

Me: That's a really good idea.

He: And you have to stop stressing about food. You have to stop guilting yourself. Please. Say it - I'm a good person, there's nothing wrong with me

Me (repeats once) he: again Me(repeats again)

He: OK. Now I'm pouring you a glass of wine, we're going to eat this great organic fruit you brought home, and you're going to chill out.

Me: (sinks into couch and relaxes)

So I had a non raw dinner last night - we started with a mango, some bananas and a pear, but later had some canned indian food I got at the coop. I also had a piece of whole grain bread with butter on it. YUMMMMMM

I woke up and sat out on our deck overlooking the lake for 10 minutes this morning. I did not really quiet my mind, but these things take time. I didn't do any asanas either, but starting slow and doing things really gently is what I need. I don't need more exercise, I need to chill the heck out.

So I am not going to juice fast. I am going to moderate. I am going to chill out and relax and enjoy the weather as much as possible. We're going on a little hike this weekend, and getting a grill. Excellent.

Love you all.

 

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