Hitting the food wall today

Date:   10/5/2005 9:42:34 PM ( 19 y ago)

It is not suprising tht I am hungry and I have no desire to make more lemonade right now. Ready to drink smooth move tea and go to bed.

I am suprised that I have made it this far. Tongue is coated.... gross.

Food is all around and I made the mistake of going to Costco for more limes. (It takes at least 5 to make the limeade for the day. I do not like strong drinks, I usually just cut with water during the day.) But there is so much food around me, and it is hard to make that conscious decision not to eat when before, I never gave it a second thought, I shoved it in. That is an interesting development. But I felt out of control, cheese sticks, brownies, crap!! They are all so bad for you, but I have an obsessive personality. So I eat and eat and eat more, until it hurts. So silly. I mean really I am a grown woman. There is obviously something I cannot face or deal with. I put other things in front of me to stop me, an obstacle, an obsession... I focus on that rather than the real deal. Moist chewy brownies.... arrrrgh.

Food is so central in this culture and I wonder about it. We get together and eat, with friends, with family, on holidays, funerals, weddings. Why are we doing that? Why is that?

So on the housekeeping side, coated tongue, SWF is tolerable, NOT liking the cayenne. I prefer it without it. It made me hungry. Having a cup of caffeine in the morning in the way of white tea (Perfectly Pear) because of my intense coffee addiction. I could not give it up in time so I compromise with tea and stave off a headache that would be inevitable. Doing the Smooth move at night ( tonight is the 2nd night, didn't have a chance before) and it seems to be okay. I drink tea if I feel like it, herbals in the afternoon and evening.

Oh and the flush in the morning, not fun, been late for work all week because of it. I really have to start that earlier, but I am concerned I do not have enough time as my hubby gets ready for work and I do not have great access to the bathroom.... eeesh.

So there you have it. I think about food, obsess about it. But my purpose was that I wanted to stop feeling tht way, I wanted to get in control. I wanted to feel like I knew and controlled all that was important and affected me on the inside.

The good news is that the acid reflux is gone, the wiggling Chron's is gone. I weigh 220. I am not as convcerned with losing weight right now, I want to keep this up and really start with a good diet and exercise program. But the true trick is the gall bladder flush at the end. I amhoping to bring it all out and start truly fresh.

And I am trying not to think about Vietnamese food, BBQ tofu Noodle Bowl... rats, there I go again. It will be my first meal after easing back in with soup and broth.

Purge... it makes me wnt to clean closets, too.

 

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