Teen years are full of conflicts for most people, and I had a major one - "the system". Whipping me didn't seem to help much...

Date:   12/11/2005 4:55:12 PM ( 19 y ago)

Leather makes such a distinct sound when it is laid onto human flesh. I remember that sound, and I remember the little grunts I gave out on each 'strap'.

Those grunts were arbitrary tho' - I thought it might let them know I was feeling it, in hopes that someone would say "thats enough". I don't know if it worked or not, but I was much releived when it stopped. Some farm kids in our school had real hard palms, caloused up real good. The Principal had a hard time making them feel much pain, which made it worse for "town kids" who , like me, had nice soft palms to receive that leather strap.

ya, I am talking about junior high school. I was not allways in line... That one was for muttering a swear word in art class when the teacher said our art supplies didn't arrive. "How to pick yer battles Karlin". Same art class I had that embarresment in...

Lesson learned: when your hands are stinging from a leather whipping, do NOT put your hands into the snow. I thought it would cool them off, reduce the sting a bit, but it was worse. See? - we are allways learning something in school!!

Lesson TWO learned - young men expressing their frustrations can be very irritating to the older adults. It was usually about much more important things that art supplies, I was just having a bad day that time. When I started rebelling against society in general, like those hippies in the USA, the adults could only say "whats WRONG with that kid?" , and they tried to make it right, make ME right.

They were trying to groom me for success in a world I utterly rejected. Thats not a winning combination for anyone. Naturally, I thought I was just a failure, not able to see the bigger picture of a world out of control. Nobody saw it that way where I lived...

Most of my peers "sold out". I don't think kids today even know what that means, to sell out. It was a major part of discussion for my generation, in choosing carreers or our plans for University. We thought we could participate somehow, and not sell out.

"Are you going to work for Shell oil, and buy their load of crap propaganda with the money you get from selling out?" LOL. We didn't have much of a clue, but at least we were questioning things.

Selling out really refers to abandoning your morality in turn for some reward, usually financial. If you hate pollution, but go to work for Shell anyhow on the basis that someone will do that job if I don't.
Or being a pacifist, but going into the army because you have a hard time getting another job.
Or just taking the easy way, being normal, and following the standard course set out for us by the corporate culture.

I was going to fail anyhow, so I might as well make it look like it is altruistic!! That could be whats behind my resistance to being normal, but now 20 years or so down the road, I can see that my resistance had a lot of substance to it. I really didn't like that way we were going.

Vietnam, smog, deforestation and encroaching on pristine wilderness, poor people, rascism, religion, and authority that wielded a big club that said "This proves I am right" - those situations were the evidence for me.

Authority that acted dominating in any way was invalidated to me - if they have real substance, why do they need the big club? And when authority figures, and other people in postitions of trust, used their positions to bugger kids, well the wheels fell right off. We've been listening to these people all our lives, for guidance, and they turn out to be criminals.

When the other authority figures didn't stand up and shout about their peer's crimes, I had to assume they were all just as bad. Turns out I was not wrong about that.

Power corrupts, therefore people in power are corrupt? Later, I found that to be true too - they cannot get those positions unless they can be held to account for a crime of some sort.

So, as a young man of 15yrs., I had to utterly reject it all.
My siblings all went on to have brilliant carreers and sterling familes of their own. Most of my peers did too. I was whipped with the leather more than that one time, from various authority figures.

I was born a heretic, and I was further molded as "a rebel - with a cause they felt was dangerous". I became an Anti-capitalist Athiest, saying the world didn't need to beat Hitler, things would have been the same here anyhow. I said the Cold War was phoney too, we had nothing to fear from Russia, or Communism or any ISM at all - it depends on the leader and if he is benevolent or not.


My conflict with the world had something more to it that just a "generation gap". That was what we called it in the 1960's, media gave us that term to distract from the seriousness of our rage against the system.
That rage became a dangerous threat to my own health too. I kind of melted down from it all.

Nobody can be whipped into feeling good.


Karlin.

Ps - I have a lot more to tell about my teenaged years, there was a ton of adventure and excitement, but it doesn't seem to fit into this blog so I will leave it out.

 

Popularity:   message viewed 1870 times
URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=978468

<< Return to the standard message view