The kid shuts up when you feed him....

Date:   11/6/2005 8:28:49 PM ( 19 y ago)

Wow! So lets re-evaluate what just happened here.....

The kid in me was crying out for something.....but what was it? All I remember was feeling crappy.....feeling overwhelmed about the fish tank, overwhelmed about how I've been screwing up this past week.....so what was the kid saying? It's not very clear....all I did was shut the him up by stuffing gobs of extremely rich ice cream doen his throat until he was sick to his stomach.....and did it work? Is he shut up? Not really.....cause now I feel like shit....

I've been aware of the child inside me quite a bit this week.....I didn't listen very much at all and stuffed food in his mouth....I didn't pay much attention to him....only was aware that he was there and I was about to shut him up.

The depressed feelings I had earlier....what were they about? Because all I could think of was the next thing to do and that was gorge on ice cream.....I remember feeling poorly of myself, my physical body, my feelings of worth, feelings of lonliness, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of yuck!

What am I supposed to do with these feelings other than what I know best, ice cram! How do I sit with these feelings and become one with them? And what do I do to aleviate the pain?

I wish there was someone out there who knows exactly what I feel who has gone through exactly what I am going through....someone on the other side....they exist in AA in regards to alcoholism and drug addiction.....isn't it the same thing here? I'm having trouble equating the two exactly.

Is it OA that I need? Am I an overeater? Yea, I think I am......I feel like crap right now.....because I ate so much ice cream.....


 

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