Continuing saga of my early years

Date:   8/28/2005 9:14:58 AM ( 19 y ago)

Redundancy.
I was one of the unlucky ones. Just before Christmas, I got the tap on the shoulder.
"Got to let you go, im afraid. No orders for the foreseable future"...
This was devastating news, and it hit me like a whack to the guts. I finished my shift, and went home to the girlfriend to let her in on the news...I then went straight down to the jobcentre, and started applying for anything that I could find.
I got mainly temporary work...kitchen porter and cleaner type stuff...just about managed to make the weekly rent payments to the landlord, and then I succeeded in getting a longer term temporary job - right through the summer season until October (the year was 1991). Although the hours were harsh (11am through till midnight, seven days a week), and the pay wasnt great (I took home £105.00 a week), it was a lifeline, and it gave me time to find something better. Times were hard in England in the early 90`s, with the recession. Jobs were thin on the ground. Still, I was positive, and blessed with the enthusiasm of youth. And, despite events on the employment front being dire, I was in love. We were soulmates.
Then, something which was to change everything happened.
A friend that I was close to at the time, let me in on some news. He had seen my then girlfriend, at the funfair with another guy. I dont mean chatting to him, or socialising...I mean arm in arm, kissing, cuddling. Having a great time with this guy.
Part of me couldnt believe this was true.....but I knew this friend wouldnt be malicious, or lie....it just wasnt in his nature. So, I had to learn the truth
I confronted her....after tossing this over and over in my head. She said yes, she had gone to the funfair....but it was her brother she was with.
I let it go at this point. A strange duality had settled upon me. In a sense, I believed her, and was reassured. In another sense, I knew she was lying. I settled down to sleep that night. Normally, we would fall asleep in each others arms. That night, we slept apart, but in the same bed. And upon arising, I went out for my morning jog, came home, showered, and went to work. Nothing strange between the two of us this morning. Normal pleasantries. I did my long shift, and returned home.
She had moved out! I was amazed! Gutted! Shock! The place was bare...I couldnt accept this to have happened!
I felt sure she would return. But, the stress! So, I bought some cigarettes, and proceeded to smoke them. Normally so relaxed and at peace, I now had ongoing nervous ticks in my eye....you know the type. They feel like your eyelid is flicking open and closed rapidly. So, I stayed awake all night...smoking; assuring myself that all would be well; that she would return. There would be some expplaination. When it was time, I went to work. Tiredness was not a factor...I was wound up inside like a clockspring. Was it me? Had I caused this?
I returned home, after work. Noone there, except me. By this time, my limbs were trembling too. Smoked incessantly, and resolved to buy some alchohol. Paced around, smoking all night like a madman. Turmoil. Waited for my shift to start again. Went to work. Returned afterwards. And so it went on, for several days, before I was able to digest what had happened. Reality sunk in.


 

Popularity:   message viewed 2455 times
URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=977749

<< Return to the standard message view