The words are all jumbled in my head. I had an idea of how I was going to lay this out, but it tumbled and crashed.
My train of thought de-railed. [Copywrite Ika 2004].
I guess I'll just put out my raw emotions. It's embarrassing for me to admit them, but I know I have before - I just don't wish to face them.
I emotionally eat. It's a habit I've had for years. I've struggled with 'anorexia, bulimia,' and compulsive eating. Are they really those dis-eases? Or just names for 'low self-esteem'?
When I stop eating, I find I'm able to go for days without food.. Nono praises me as a 'natural faster'. But the challenge is actually STOPPING the eating. In the past, I always start a fast, but then break it later in the day because I cannot face my emotions - I find the need to stuff myself ill with food to hush their voices.
Last night Nono had to hold me down because I was practically screaming for food, even though I was beyond full, because I couldn't deal with my emotions. I hit myself physically, over and over, because I was so upset at myself.
I need to stop eating. My intestines have been painfully swollen for 6 days. I'm sure the pain AND swelling would reduce if I just stopped eating, but I'm too afraid to. I eat until I am STUFFED.. until it hurts so bad I have to lay down.
.. if anyone could give me advice on how to banish emotional eating forever, I'd really appreciate it.
Also, one more thing -
I was told I have microfissures in my intestines, as well as Candida - that fasting would help tremendously.
I also have a massive parasitical infestation, but Colonix or other parasite cleanses as such are too rough on my intestines.
Am I supposed to fast AFTER a parasite cleanse? And what Parasite cleanse should I do, then, and for how long?
Confused, tired.. and extremely full. Actually, I feel a bit nauseous. Like I've swallowed broken glass.
Anyway, here's some pictures of my progress so far -
This was me before
This is me now - [Please, no laughing!]
That's the only one I'm willing to share so far.
I plan to look back on these blog entries with the new me!! [Or maybe I should just continue forward!]
XOXO,
~Papillon
