.. to justify all the hurt inside -

Date:   1/15/2006 1:46:29 PM ( 18 y ago)

"Have you seen her lately?"
"Yes..."
"What say you on her condition..?"
"I haven't the words.."


Can I blame it on Candida? Can I blame it on whatever illness I have? The depression, the lack of self-esteem. Am I in my right mind?

I am meaning to help myself. Everytime I stick my finger down my throat, I'm meaning to help myself - I'm putting the food in to calm my tattered emotions, and I'm taking the food out to give my body a rest from the hard work of digestion. I don't enjoy it - I always want to scream while I'm doing it, to cry, 'Why, oh why do I hurt myself?' I pray for help, I pray for God to be with me, I promise myself 'This is the last time...'

I've been told I'm a good person, very caring, loving - why don't I feel like it? Why am I having a challenging time with this?

Don't you know how much I love you?

I'm not seeking attention, I'm not in a struggle for control.

It seems some people find this act to be gluttonous. Please, we do it because this is the way we know how to help ourselves right now.
This is a form of self-defense. Please be supportive, please don't judge, please just love us.

I have so many dreams to fulfill!


 

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