Night Musings

Date:   10/1/2005 4:54:16 PM ( 19 y ago)

spirals into eternity
arms never ending
destiny unknown
where am i going?
what am i doing?
who am i BEing?
at this very moment in Time,
in this very space
i do not know

i weep with a pain
that knows no end
and has no reason to be
i am unknowing of causality
only the feeling
of pressure in my heart
as if the tension built there
exists for reasons of its own
no thought precedes it
it just is

change your thought,
change the feeling-state
but what thought do i change
when none is present?

does feeling exist without thought?
ask my broken heart
it knows not
what the mind is doing
it cares not
how the body reacts
the pain is for the ages
loneliness without end
tears without purpose

cracked and coarse existence
purposeless meaning
meaningless existence
a spiral of nothingness
somethingness
all encompassing

why do i go on this way?
i am tired, so very tired
answers elude me

to be human
is to be so very limited
to be born deaf, dumb and blind
unmindful
unknowing
of one's true Beingness
one's true purpose
the pursuit of which
is so very painfully obscure
obtuse
thick
dense
unknown

to be human
is to suffer agony of the heart
numbness of the mind
darkness of the soul

the body grows old
and crumbles to the dust
from whence it came
wherefore goes the soul?
back to what?
a soup of souls
the All-That-Is?
the Great Existence?
The Creation?

what is this Thing
this Great Unknowable Thing
that has so many useless names
and why do we yearn for it so?

what is the purpose,
the reason
for our pain
of separation
from the Divine?

is there some ultimate Plan
that is yet unknown to us
which will reveal itself
in Time?
for Time has no meaning
and is but a human construct
meant to sooth our limited minds
but there is no Time
in the unreality of Reality

and so we play the Grand Game
endlessly, infinitely
unwinningly
for we have no choice
it is our reason
it is our sanity
in the infinite insanity
in which we find ourselves
in the infinite pain
in which we reside
unto the end of our days

Liora Leah
9/30/05
10:41 p.m.

 

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