It has been one week today since I experienced the Ayahuasca Ceremony. My emotions have ranged from peaceful to irritable, angry and sad. Just when I think I'm going "back to normal" something happens in my daily life and I find myself ranting again.

Date:   8/28/2005 4:55:51 PM ( 19 y ago)

One friend of mine wrote me:

"Why does spirit want us to go through difficult challenges....well, after having gone through them myself, I believe its just part of the preparation for the work that we've committed to do while walking this planet."

I know this in my heart to be true but I still have to complain about it. Sometimes it seems so damn hard! I see people skating through life sometimes, and I wonder, why can't I skate too? Why is this such a struggle when others seem to have it easy? Then I realize no one really "has it easy" in life, and maybe the ones who are skating now had it rough in previous lifetimes, so this time around they're "taking a break" for a while! Who knows? It's all a mystery, and that's what bugs me so much. I want to KNOW IT ALL and KNOW IT ALL NOW! Patience is definitely NOT my strong point.

The friend that I attended the Ceremony with was concerned that the setting the Ayahuasca Ceremony took place in may not have been "safe" for me, and hence my emotional reactions--I don't believe that that was the case. I really feel that these issues of mine--loss, pain, sadness, anger, mistrust-would have come up no matter the setting or the Shaman. They have been lifelong and deep. I had a repetitive dream this week, and the repeated message was that "ayahuasca remains with you". I think She is still working with me. Maybe these issues coming up are part of the healing--they come up, I feel them, and then they go, hopefully to be less intense the next time around.

Two nights ago, I sat down and asked my Spirit Guides if Ayahuasca was still working with me, as the dream implied. They told me that I could speak with the Spirit of Ayahuasca myself. Speak to a Plant Spirit? OK, I told myself, I'll try it:

"Ayahuasca, my Spirit Guides said I could talk to you directly. This feels rather strange, talking to a plant Spirit. You have been visiting me in my dreams, yes?"

Ayahuasca's reply:

Yes, it is I, the Spirit of Ayahuasca. You may call me "Aya" in your writings. It is not so strange after all to speak with me, Little Great One, as I am of the realm of Spirit as are you, as is Great Mother and your We-Guides. Yes, "Little Great One," is the title/name I give to you as you are Great indeed as are all your human sisters and brothers. There was once an alliance between human and plant spirits worldwide, yet this connection is now weakened and maintained by only a relatively few humans on the Great Mother's belly. We call on you to join this alliance, as your Great Mother calls you one of the "Earth Keepers." Yes, your interest in mythology as a child was a clue to us even then, when you were young, as to your potential as a Spirit sister. You are connected to us in so many ways, beyond your human consciousness and what you call "reality." The knowledge will unfold before you in time. Be patient.

Yes, it is true, others' connection with us is strong and deep, yours less so, as your power eminates from the rock and dirt and water of the planet, for these you formed with your own hands, yet out of the Mother's soil we spring, and so our connection through Great and Holy Mother. We honor you. We ask that you honor us.

Yes, the "allergies" of which you speak are but a thing in passing. You react strongly to us. It is as (a healer I worked with several years ago) once said long ago--the things to which you are seemingly repulsed are those things that hold the most power for you. You will change in time. We will form greater bonds.

I go now. Know that I am with you, even in your dreams.

Your Spirit Sister, Ayahuasca

"Ayahuasca Ceremony":  http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=356&i=28

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