Today I met with Mandaza Kandemwa, a Zimbabwean Nganga, or Shaman, for a powerful 1-to-1 healing session. He asked me to surrender to Spirit, and he called them in to me. Tomorrow, Saturday-Sunday, I will be attending an Ayahuasca ceremony facilitated by another Shaman. Ayahuasca is a powerful plant medicine whose Spirit is a Master Healer of the plant world.

Date:   8/19/2005 11:33:38 PM ( 19 y ago)

Two days ago, I asked Great Mother (Earth) and my Spirit Guides what they thought of these two spiritual adventures:

Great Mother: "Dear One, it is a pleasure to speak with you again. Yes, go, Aya is a "friend" of mine, her plant energy/medicine is very strong, potent. You will definitely feel her, Know her, "See" her. Trust in her, if nothing else. Doubt her not. She will serve you well.

Namaste, Amen,
Little Dear One"

Spirit Guides: "Know that you are loved, Little one, no matter what you do. You are about to embark on a Spirit/Soul Journey that will serve you well, as Great Mother said. We are glad you decided to take this "trip" ha ha, yes, we thought you'd like this choice of word. You were once a Shaman, yes, in the Lakota tradition--that is why one of "us" is he/you from a "past life"--the one (a healer I work with) saw when she did the soul retrieval for you. Yes, you have had much fascination with Native American indigenous cultures and Lakota in particular. The Shaman conducting the ceremony this weekend is also of the Lakota tradition and he is a "soul ally" and will recognize this as such. Do you doubt it? Is this all just co-incidence to you? No, we did say that everything, no matter how small, has a purpose, and this is no small matter.

As to what to say to Mandaza on Friday--remember he can not heal you, that is for you to do--yes, we simply remind you--he will guide you as far as you let him--trust him and his judgment. Tell him from us a simple "Hello, our brother, we are glad to see you well. We put our Little One into your hands. We know you will serve her well. Namaste, Amen."


Early this morning at 12:50 a.m., before going to sleep, I asked:

"Spirit/Mother, what am I to know this day? Anything new re: this weekend?"

Spirit Guides: "Little one, it is time to go to sleep. Be patient. See how the weekend unfolds for you. It will be intense and you need all the rest you can get."

Great Mother: "Namaste, Holy Woman! I will speak through you as you allow it, to give me voice. There are others, women all, who "channel" my tongue. It is time for you to join these Holy Sisters--Keepers of the Sacred Hearth-fire, in my honor, to bear resemblance to the burning fires of molten magma within, and the burning passions of the heart. Namaste, dear sister, daughter. Go forth with chest high and shoulders back, fearlessly, warrior woman of the shield! Your Great and Holy Mother. Amen Amen, Namaste, Amen!"

I went to sleep, and dreamed all night, the same dream, over and over again. In the dream, I was a woman, younger than myself, with an elementary school-aged daughter. My daughter's teacher was also the school principal. This woman is very beautiful. She puts on plays with the children, and takes the lead part of the Greek Goddess Diana, goddess of the hunt, protectress of women and animals. When she plays this role in the school play, she is bare-breasted. I go to see the play and am taken aback with her being bare-breasted. She also teaches in the classroom, barebreasted. None of the other parents but me feel uncomfortable with this. The children seem fine with it, and really don't notice anything different. The teacher/principal is supremely confident, authoratative, calm, self-assured. I ask another parent if she sees anything wrong with the bare-breasted teacher. She replies, no, that the teacher is letting the children know that there is nothing wrong with the female body and breasts are natural and it is OK for women to show their breasts. There is nothing going on in the classroom, other than the bare-breastedness, that is of concern--no child abuse/molestation, inappropriate touching, nothing sexua| at all, in fact. I feel very uncertain. Part of me accepts what the teacher/principal/goddess is doing, part of me doesn't. I vacillate back and forth about reporting her to the school board. I take down a notation whenever I see the teacher bare-breasted, in case I want "evidence" to go before the Board. I have my daughter report to me every day when she gets home from school if the teacher was barebreasted that day. My daughter, who was comfortable with the teacher, is caught between my uncertainty and her own feelings about the teacher.

I woke up from this dream thinking "that was weird! what was that about?" then put it out of my mind as I got ready to go to Malibu to see Mandaza Kandemwa, the Zimbabwean shaman.

When I sat before Mandaza at noon, on the sand at the beach, the first thing he said to me was: "You have a dream that wants telling. Tell it to me." I told him the dream. He nodded but didn't say anything. He looked at me and said: "Sometimes you get depressed. It is because Spirit has been calling you a long time and you have not answered. Spirit is telling me there is nothing wrong with you. You have 'water sickness', what one gets when one does not heed the call of Spirit. Spirit is telling me there is nothing wrong with you. If you listen to what Spirit wants of you, you will be well. You must surrender to Spirit."

I told him I was very afraid. I am afraid of the unknown, afraid of the future. He told me that fear is a teacher. He told me if I had no obstacles in my life, if everything was as I wanted, then I would never get to Spirit as I would be too content with my life to do anything else. He said Spirit put the obstacles in my life so I would learn lessons. Fear is a "great teacher". He told me to "thank the fear, ask of it what it wants you to know, then release it. Surrender to Spirit."

He dug out a small bowl-shaped hole in the sand for me to sit in, not far from the ocean's waves. He told me to sit in the hole, pray to Spirit, and then surrender to Spirit. I sat in the hole with my eyes closed and asked Father/Mother to enter me. I asked to be open to Spirit. I asked Spirit to fill me. The Shaman packed wet sand on me. The waves rolled in and filled the hole where I sat. I don't remember all the Shaman said. I heard him thank Spirit for entering me. I sat in the hole and shivered uncontrollably, partially with cold but mostly with Spirit--my hands and arms were shaking and waving around as if on their own. I sat with my eyes closed and just felt, without thinking. I have no idea how long I sat there with the Shaman working with Spirit. At some point in time I started to vocalize--sounds without words came pouring out of my throat. At that time, the Shaman and an assistant helped me up.

They walked me to the water, and told me to immerse, with head under, three times. The waves were very powerful and the current was strong. I dunked in the water, and just let go and floated, face down, head under. Twice, the waves came while I was floating and pummelled me, rolling me around and over and under. I have always been respectful and afraid of the ocean. I am not a strong swimmer, and in the past I didn't like going under and being tossed around, with a fear of being injured or drowned. I did not feel that this time. When the waves tossed me around, I let go and relaxed and let them toss me. I was bent all over, backwards, forwards. I came up laughing. The assistant and the Shaman were laughing. All three of us spent a long time in the waves, getting pulled and pummeled by the waves, and laughing.

When we got out of the water, the Shaman said to me: "We are done now. After tonight, there will be a great difference in you. You will see." I thanked him and went to sit down on the sand to rest. I could still feel Spirit in me, and shook on and off for another hour.

Later, I spoke with a friend to tell him what had happened. I was musing about the dream I had, and that Mandaza hadn't told me what it meant. What was confusing for me about it this morning now seemed clear. The parent, the teacher/goddess, and the child were all facets of myself. The "child" self, the child of my past, mindful of what the adults told me, always feeling caught between what they thought and felt and what I thought and felt, always uncertain and anxious not to make a mistake, always wanting to please. The "parent" self is the self I am shedding, slowly, the uncertain adult who does not always trust her own thoughts and feelings, who feels she needs to ask others their opinions/beliefs, then is dissatified with the answers. The parent/self who is uncertain of her True Goddess/Nature/Spirit/ Inner self, as represented by the teacher/principal/goddess, as this self seems so different from the "norms" of Western society/thinking/religiousity. The "teacher/principal/Goddess" self is the one I am becoming. My friend calls me "Mother Earth's Goddess-in-Training"

Later in the afternoon, I kept having to run to the bathroom, and felt I was getting a bladder infection. I asked my Guides about this; they told me:

"Dear Little One, you had quite a day today. You let Spirit in. You are exhausted. Your bladder is reacting to the emotional release. It will calm with time. Drink water. Cranberry juice is Ok. There is no infection there, just body stress and toxins being released. All is well. Namaste, Amen. Your we-Guides in love with you forever."

I asked "My Great and Holy Mother--do you have anything to say about today?"

She answered me: "My dear one, yes, you bathed in my holy water the sea and She initiated you into the Spirit world. You are blessed. Tomorrow the plant kingdom will welcome you. What remains after that is a blessing by the animal spirits. You are taking back your power, one step at a time.

Yes, it was I that sent the Goddess down to you last night. Diana, Spirit Woman of the Shield, my icon for the strong yet sensual warrior woman, protectress of women, animals, and forests. She was virginal in mythology, yes, but this is more symbolic of a holy purity than sexua| abstinence. How can one be virginal when connected with all of Life? It pulsates through you and is part of your BEing. Take it in. Do not judge your experience with Mandaza. He opened you in ways you are not yet aware.

Go and rest and make your arrow (Spirit arrow for Saturday night's Ayahuasca ceremony--made from stick, feathers, twine, crystal, and yarn). Hold it up to Moon and Stars so they may infuse the crystal with their Holy Light.

Namaste, Amen, my dear one."

I am trying not to think too much about the events of today. I am tired, and off to make my Spirit Arrow for tomorrow night's ceremony.

For more information about Mandaza Kandemwa, see: "African Shaman Visits" http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=309&i=84
For fascinating information about Ayahuasca, see: http://www.ayahuasca.com/drupal/
Mother Earth Speaks: "Warrior Woman of the Shield" http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=309&i=57
My experiences at the Ayahuasca Ceremony http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=356&i=28
The Spirit of Ayahuasca speaks to me: "Ayahuasca Speaks" http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=356&i=31
 

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