Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One who Recently Passed Away

Date:   9/7/2005 1:15:18 AM ( 19 y ago)

Well it is now almost one week since I found out that my grandmother passed away. I was actually at a spiritual meeting I attend once a week when I received the news. As soon as the phone rang that night I had a feeling that it was going to be a call for me. My mom told me that she had passed away peacefully in her sleep. After hanging up the phone I shared with those of the group who were still left. We made a circle, held hands and said a prayer in her honor asking God to take her up into the light and into heaven. I received a hug from each of them and then made my way home.

One of the interesting things about the meeting that night was that it was to be all about joy and doing things joyous. So we decided to do fun things like playing charades, having ice cream cones and making collages out of construction paper. It was a great way of bringing that inner child out of everyone. When it came time to make a collage, I had decided to make something abstract. Something along the lines of the paintings I do. But all of a sudden the idea of a beach came into my head. So I started to put together a picture of the beach. When I was finished, I had created a somewhat realistic piece with the sky, clouds, the waves, the beach and even the boardwalk. On the beach I also cut out some circles that I used to represent beach umbrellas. When we were finished most of us showed everyone what we had created. One of my friends asked me what the meaning was behind this picture, as there was some meaning behind everyone else’s creations. And I thought to myself and said there really is no meaning. It is something that just happened to pop into my head. By the time I had reached home and after talking with my mother I realized what the meaning behind the picture was. My grandmother’s favorite place to go was the shore. She absolutely loved going down to the beach, sitting in the sun and playing the games on the boardwalk.

Before realizing this I was slightly dismayed as I had a very strong impression that when my grandmother passed away she was going to come to me in some way. Now I realize that she had. The image of the beach surely came from her. As my mother put it, she was showing me that she was alright and that she was one of the people sitting under those umbrellas on the beach enjoying the shore. This made such sense to me and brought me comfort as well.

The next couple days were difficult as my family and I went through the motions of the wake and the funeral. I had put together a collage of lots of different pictures from her life. I tried to find a picture with her and all of the family and then I also tried to find pictures that would capture that free spirited and joyous nature of hers. It was difficult though, as I realized going through the albums how much a part of all of our lives she was. Every time we had a party, an event or even when we went on trips, she was there with us. Celebrating and enjoying life right along with us. She was a vital part of those joyous times. While putting this collage together definitely made me sad, it also helped instill within me a tremendous feeling of gratitude. I was so grateful to God and to my grandmother that she was able to be such a huge part of the lives of my family and I. And I am so thankful that she chose to be with us as long as she was. She lived a long and happy life where she was able to see her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren grow up and prosper. That is a gift that unfortunately not everyone is given and what a precious gift that truly is.

The day of the wake was difficult, but I think everyone handled it really well. There were certain moments when some family members needed some extra loving and attention, but we were all there for each other which is another great thing. Personally for me the day of the funeral was much more difficult. But I was proud of myself because I could have donned some of my old habits and put on that macho attitude where nothing can affect me. I don’t cry. Instead of doing that, I really took on the attitude that I was going to express myself emotionally and I really didn’t care what anyone else thought. And so this wound up being one of the first times in a long time that I allowed myself to feel sadness and actually cry. Heck I was even sobbing at certain points especially during the eulogy which my brother gave. At the end of his eulogy, he said goodbye grandma and blew her a kiss which was a signature of hers. Well, I totally lost it.

Once the funeral mass and the burial were over, I was able to gather myself together and realize how much better I felt. I think this gave me the opportunity to experience a tremendous emotional release. It was a very freeing experience in that sense. I finally broke those old outdated habits of trying to be strong and show no emotions. I was completely alright with showing how I felt and was not concerned about how people would react, what they would think or what they may even say about me. I was completely comfortable and that was even in the front row of my parent’s church where everyone could see.

Most of the family then gathered at a restaurant and most of us stayed together for the rest of the day. We spent a lot of time looking at old photographs and recounting some of the great stories we had. Most of the sad faces were replaced with smiles and laughter which is what my grandmother would have wanted. And then yesterday we gathered together once again for the annual Memorial Day picnic which was great because now we were gathering in celebration. I think it was important for everyone to concentrate on the joy of each moment and the love that we all had experienced towards one another during the past few days. There is great unity in moments like these when a family pulls together to comfort and love one another. It allows each of us to show our true loving natures.

Throughout this whole experience I tried to share with everyone what I had learned through my spiritual experiences especially the experience I had many months ago which is the topic of the blog I wrote called Death: A Different Perspective. Just as all of us were saying goodbye for now there were hundreds, thousands, possible millions of souls welcoming her back home. Just as we are now separated from her in a physical sense, they had been separated from her in a spiritual/soul sense. So in a way they were glad to welcome her back home. To the home she shared and now shares with God. She is also now able to reunite with the husband she lost some fifty years ago when he died way too young. I can’t even imagine how wonderful a reunion that must have been. The sense of joy had to be overwhelming.

So now it is almost one week later and the sadness and loss I felt have now turned into joy. I know within my heart and soul that my grandmother always loved me and still loves me. She is not really gone. The physical representation of who she was may be gone, but her soul and her spirit still exist and continue on. The amazing thing is that at certain times I can close my eyes and focus my attention on her and I can get a picture of her in my head. It is a combination of a sense of her or a feeling of her presence and an image of her. At first I thought it might just be my imagination, but then I realized that this image I have of her is one where she is at an age that I didn’t really know her. All my memories of her were ones where she was much older and had grey hair and yet this image is one where she is a bit younger and has brown hair. So I realized that this wasn’t just my imagination, but was instead my sensing her on the other side. The only thing I could figure is that the age I see her at must have been one of her happiest and so that is the way she chooses to represent herself on that side. This just made it all the more amazing and solidified my feelings that she will never be gone and that I am really not separated from her.

So in that regard I dedicate this blog to my grandmother who is a beautiful and free spirited soul who happened to end her 93 year long human experience on August 31st.

Goodbye for now Grandma!!


 

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