Dear Me this is a Strange One- as Strange One Do What's Inside of You---that is If you can figure out what that is? Perhaps, just a minute by minute Being??

Date:   8/19/2005 2:58:29 AM ( 19 y ago)

eyes
"In a dark time, the eye begins to see."

-Theodore Roethke (1908-1963)

I can see I am in a strange mood tonight, but you know, that's part of the spectrum also...the good, bad, and the ugly~ then the strange.

For me, I began to make fun of what I want the most, and I observe while this process/humor occurs and I begin to kinda laugh at myself. I do find it the highest order of enjoyment..this witnessing of self. This seeing and NOT believing.

I realized some things tonight as I stood in front of the board and gave my presentation. I am beginning to see patterns around people's heads and then some~ I see a energy pattern that is entwined and reaches a foot or two above the head that spirals with colors. Some have a halo or a whole head arc line (kundalini terminology) that glows with wiggly lines of golden energy~ (Oh these turn out to be my favorite ones!), so beautiful they are...then there are others that have darker color spots that emanate and move in patterns with emptiness around the head. I am beginning, by virtue of the people I know well, to distinguish the pattern and the light and the colors and the dark dots with open spaces...give me the golden ones....They are so full of love -of course- here's the punch line..hehehe

(Now hear this M so YOU KNOW I've gotten the deal) We only see what it is that we are generating- so when I saw dark spots with open energy around the head- I was experiencing that condition and then saw it in another...When I saw the golden wigglies- oh how much I loved the one who manifested those golden wigglies- not in a sexua| way-but in the absolute entranced way. I have never forgotten that sight, like heat waves up ff the pavement with golden stringers moving...YEAH. How illuminated I felt~ and was-or else I would never had seen those stringers of gold.

And then after a Kundalini intensive I saw the earth split open underneath me..and scared the Bejesus out of myself..and had to manually "mind stop" the altered state to keep myself grounded.

Then there was the time, while doing the "Warrior Pose" I aimed my "arm bow" at another yogini ( for focus) and she turned as blue as Baby Krishna..and I understood that was the beginning of my ability to "spiritually see" and manifest the divine in others...

I may regret this disclosure..but so many believe spirituality is metaphorically based, well yes this is true, but it can also be seen with the human eye (third) and one begins to understand from whence the metaphors spring ...They live all those representations can be physically manifested now.(maybe it WAS the Acid)

So to just finish up with the board meeting, I told the truth that their campaign dos not 'hold' a 2 year feasibility at this time...and that I may be expendable for not lying about the truth of the campaign..so natural for me..to act against my personal interests to actually exhibit my BEST personal self and that is: What you want is not what you got...I am also ready to not to get there..and let it go...everything and one is expendable right now-so illuminated myself-no attachment to anything~ and has been so for many years...It maybe the spiritual trump card- or I may not be properly grounded- what the hell ~ who cares...

It is a stage I am going thru, spiritual puberty..reestablishing the truth of me...it is so much different than I conjured up (watching ESPN), and so much different than 7 weeks ago, and radically different than 2 months ago...that I am amazed and beginning to give up the comparison.

I just want to be happy, I don't care what it looks like. I do not even know that other self...oh well, I know myself in the moment-but anywhere beyond that I am at a loss...Love you all...hope you know more than me in a gentle way...And that we are all on the path to a gentler world full of that "Old Black Magic' compassion.

9th- late and having to get up for work tomorrow blah!

There is something more but it is just outside my "sight"- I miss my yoga friend and my swimming to sit a t a desk with an inoperable computer in 90-100 degree heat- the mission is beautiful while the circumstances miserable- another conundrum for the 9thbody-!




 

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