What are the elements of my life that entrain and enroll me in the love of life...And is the current situation temporary or?

Date:   6/18/2005 8:36:36 AM ( 19 y ago)

So I am in the thick of a "job" again- and today I am due "at work" from 9am-3pm on Saturday and I have missed both my SOM classes this week that I paid good money for and will result in a designation RSCP-thought practitioner...

I am "giving" up things I love for this undertaking and for all my training and hakomi-with my best friend/acupuncturist...I am not feeling good inside and I am taking in so much data so quickly form so many different perspectives that I am confused and daunted by the 2.5 Million budget needed (albeit phased in over 2 years)

So I have decided to go into full "head mode" analytical and try and put some structure to this process.

BTW, if any of you have Steiner Construction needs, Bert Chase is an amazing process oriented architect whose process, while brilliant, is sucking up every bit of my time so I may have the experience of his process.

He is very skilled at the process of getting input for an architectual space that supports the communities desire.

I on the other hand have let all my commitments fall by the way side to understand this process and I am feeling unsure and missing the things I have already committed to...

So all this being said...Is it hard for me to stand in "not knowing?" Yes! Particularly on the job, where standing in not knowing could be construed as incompetence-so that conversation is whirling around the "monkey brain".

The there are personalities, all new, and pretty different-as one could generally expect at a Waldorf community. So there is some excitment, some "we've been here before, and it's never gone forward", and there is some just plain disinterest, coupled with end of year burn out.

So I am "holding the space" for what- trust in the Universe -that the right people with the right connections come forward...that someone has the depth of experience to help support the process beside Bert, who goes home tomorrow...and so one.

What do I have to be grateful for today...? Many healers in my life, the opportunity to learn from this experiece-even tho it feels uncomfortable now...

I'm not positive the lessons-so many new faces and new people..just remembering name s for prospective commitee members.

And so I am holding the space-for what- standing in the face of the unknown- and being a stand for the Waldorfians having what they want and me as a vehicle to provide it

Will my patience last, to be civil and loving to all involved-that is the question..

Oh and I am missing yoga, which is not improving my mood at all...

9th

 

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