Every week at the path of The Buddha we are sent home with a way of being that permeates our feeling and thinking for the week...Mine is Fear!

Date:   6/1/2005 12:22:07 PM ( 19 y ago)

Last night was week 5 of the Path of the Buddha:

Siddhartha has traveled outside of the Walls to see the 4 signs of suffering
1. Old Age
2. Illness
3. Death
4. The enlightened Monk in saffron robes

We acted all the parts. I was a mourner of the dead one-In costume and in Tableau-

First the story-ala J Campbell, then the walk into the underworld-different music -vibratory- underworld-and we walked our path in the large room, in silence getting into the feeling of the shadow-

The we sat down for a long meditation with the most powerful woman singer/chanter- and the range of emotions of the sounds she articulated were so moving that I went under- of course, I had been "under" earlier in the day-but there was self consciousness/fear in that relationship, this one I was part of a group and therefore, slightly more anonymous- although there was a small element of self consciousness/fear here also...more on that later.

The earlier guided meditation, coupled with this second one ~with just this woman's "soundings" was exotic and seductive and under I went deep down-I missed 2 of the tableaus I was so in depth....Yet, when it was my turn to be in the death tableau, I became present(Iron fisted Mind?)...and then after my part was played I went under, under, ... No joy, no movement, just down, heavy, no energy, "feet of clay"

The rest of the story was read to us, and then we were asked to come back- I noticed that not many chose to come back until I did -much later....Wendy Gatto, healer, energy practitioner-worked on my heart chakra for a while...easing me...towards the end of the meditation...

She advised me earlier at the beginning of class that I was emitting fear and she asked me to let it come up, and make it OK to be afraid, that I become the Little 9th body, and not the "comforter" or the "Goddess"(??)- she asked me to recognize the fear and if not accept it, because maybe it was not acceptable to me now, she asked me to let the feeling come up, and to be with it so I may be a peace with my fear...let it well up, and embody my fears...whatever they encompass....

So this is my shadow side, fear....Not entirely unknown to me, but never felt quite like last night....And of course, my longing for understanding everything-this is a by-product of the fear of trusting what is to be so, is so, the perfect right so for the little girl 9th and the big girl 9th...

Fear or Love?

this is my choice...

So this week my "task" is to be with the fear and allow room for not understanding...and for trusting and loving not understanding-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is so icky...

And So It Is

9th Scarf Dancer





 

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