Another story of addiction to food

Date:   8/17/2005 1:35:31 AM ( 19 y ago)

Just to add to what Awtar expressed....

There's something actually "trying" to happen in every moment. The universe is constantly "conspiring" to bring you closer to the realization of you True Essence. In other words, to know your Soul intimately...no separation.

As Awtar expressed, with a food craving, it's a the communication of a need or desire coming to the surface within you.

There are two kinds of desires...true and false. "oh my god, I need some dessert" is more than likely a "false" desire. It's a cloak, for what true desire "is", lurking underneath it. We need to investigate our false desires to uncloak what is underneath them. For many, their false desires freak them out, so they try to avoid them, rather than going into them and seeing what is it really about?...thus avoiding the uncloaking of what is truly trying to come into the light.

"True" desires are promptings from our Soul and to experience fulfilment in life, we must follow the call of the soul. Anything less than that, leads to pain and suffering. So learning how to excavate to the deeper level of "what is my soul prompting in this moment?" "What is truly trying to occur in this moment?" Is extremely benficial in working with addictive/compulsive behaviors. And anything, for that matter!

For instance, my compulsive "eating or not eating" habits ran my life for a good 10 years. I felt like it was a monkey on my back and like it was so deeply ingrained that it was going to be part of me and I had to learn to live with this suffering and that there was no way out.

I remember what it was like, to make the decision not to go to my pantry and eat my way through it...but then I had to sit with what I was feeling instead, which was often terrifying. I was like a drug addict, needing their next 'hit". I'd be curled up into a ball on the couch, my body trembling and shaking, breaking into a cold sweat, as my mind screamed at me to GET UP AND EAT!! EAT...EAT.... EAT!!!

And it wouldn't stop and I'd sit through this same experience, anytime I sat still with the choice not to binge. It was a screaming monkey to say the least.

There was a lot of suffering in those experiences, because I hadn't learned any of the meditative techniques to transform emotional tension at that time...I didn't have the skill of being able to communicate with my heart's desires yet, to know what it was that I really wanted at a soul level and I knew of no conscious ways of manifesting my soul's desires.

Having the awareness that you need change, but having none of the tools necessary to bring about that change...is a place where one can feel like they are really suffering.

Eventually, I did begin to get down to what it was that my soul/my heart was calling me to pursue and it was in the opposite direction from where I presently had been going....so that's the reason that it was so intense of an experience.

When you are livng incongruently with your calling...life will be very uncomfortable....as my life was, in that one aspect.

Do you want to know what "true" desire it was that was being masked by over eating or starving all of those years??

I'll give you a hint...Sat Sangeet Kaur (Princess of True Divine Music!!) Ha Ha!

When given a spiritual name (a name which I was horrified by...having no musical skill at the time...but I did have a childhood desire to pursue music, but it was really well cloaked and buried inside of me, by this time)...I began to pursue music....and the more I pursued it, the more joyful I felt and the compulsive behaviors began to lose their hold on me. And I found myself more empowered to consciously choose my behaviors...and eventually, for the most part a complete cessation of compulsive eating behaviors.

I don't mean to make it sound like I did one thing and that "fixed" it. Along the way I was taught many meditative techniques to develope the skills I mentioned above that were needed for the transformation to occur...but at the heart of it...it was beginning a practice of KY and then tuning into my True desires that was at the heart of the healing.

I am sure for anyone who is wanting to pursue this in a deeper way would find Gururatan's courses of benefit, in developing the skills needed to create permanant and lasting transformation and Soul connection in one's life. The best thing you can ever do for yourself is to develope a meditative mind. Through meditation, you can become the "author" of your life.

May we all continue to move towards the essence of who we are...

All Light,
Sat Sangeet Kaur
AB, Canada


 

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