long intense post

Date:   6/16/2007 11:49:43 PM ( 17 y ago)

Yeah so I fell asleep at the wheel in standstill traffic on the Cross Bronx Expressway. Aside from that, this drive was much better than the last hurried drive out here. I was extremely motivated to get here and drop off my dog Sophie. If I was going to keep her, I'd make her adjust to my sleep schedule. However, between her and Scoobie, I've not been getting good sleep and well I get really mean when I'm sleep deprived. I feel a little guilty because Sophie is advanced in years and I feel that she should be with me in the country. Honestly, if I had my own home, I would keep her. She irritates the other folks with her barking and coughing (she has collapsed trachea). I think she and Scoobie did very well together but eventually she would have to go. I guess it's for the best because right now I'm behind on contributing to the house expenses as it is. I don't know how an announcement of Sophie staying with us would be received by the rest of the house.

Anyway, I am releasing the situations/challenges that face my husband and I to God and let the Universe guide me. This last month or so have been very draining on me. Maybe I had to have my finances go down to dangerously low levels before I realised that I must change. I can't change anyone else. I can't change my husband either. I've investigated going on foodstamps and doing a foodstamp challenge. I've tried to eat as if my wallet depended on it. There's NO WAY I can live life poor and weighted down with a poverty mentality about food and enjoying the good things of life. I realise that my old debt is sucking the life out of my bank account and even my marriage. When I don't feel like having any sexy time if I don't have money. I feel like I should be doing something else. Plus I think about having babies under my current life conditions and want to have even less sex. It's a vicious cycle. That's why I'm doing this 100 day reality challenge.

I'm opening my eyes to the possibilities of happy, luxurious living instead of reading blogs about parasites...I mean politicians buying day old bologna on some ridiculous food stamp challenge then being typical lib-uh-ruhls whining about how the poor need them to provide universal food, insurance and all the rest. The last thing poor folks need is a limo lib feeling their pain. I'll never understand why some people stay in poverty for YEARS. Not having money for food sucks. I overheard one of my coworkers saying she and her husband work and sometimes she can't afford groceries for her, husband and four kids. No thanks. That kind of life isn't for me. I know what I want. At least I know SOME things that I want. Other things I'm still figuring out.

Boy who imagined that going to Whole Foods would drag up such emotions? Anyway, I'm going to use this time to get back into my routine.

 

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