some notes about my week

Date:   3/5/2006 5:42:40 AM ( 18 y ago)

Today is Sunday the first Sunday of the Lenten season. Yesterday I was steaming my face and everything and decided to do a guided meditation. My new policy is to only meditate at night. It is very frustrating, unnerving even, to be going deep within myself only to be interrupted and also so much noise. I'm taking my earplugs to church today so I can tune out papershuffling,etc. I must must must get back on track with saying my rosary as I didn't say it yesterday :( I got up early this morning and so after I'm done writing I decided to say it :-)

I'm blogging about my fast in my Heal Thyself blog. However, I'm beginning to get the first psychic stirrings that a fast brings. They are very small but there. I also documented my visit to the gynecologist there too. It didn't turn out well..sort of. I'm still on this fast because of that visit so maybe it needed to happen. I walked into the office which was very small. Rent must be expensive because the big hospital is right across the street. It wasn't a prettied up doctor's office that's for sure. I walked into the exam room and wondered why it wasn't looking so...sanitized and where were the stirrups,etc. Well I wasn't getting a pap smear because I don't have insurance. I'd have to go to the free clinic to get one :( That would entail another appointment, another drive into the hellhole traffic of NYC, another frustrating search for parking...then I call my local hospital to find out about getting a pap smear. Well it was made clear to me that I would have to come in so they can assess my ability to PAY before I even get an appointment. This was the same dysplasia clinic that Planned Parenthood was sending me to so that should have told me something.

I found myself a little discouraged, a little upset and also with a craving for Starbucks and scones :( I began to think about my financial situation and accessing medical care. I began to think about not having enough education, about getting fired from Whole Foods,etc.etc. and that I need another job to clear all my bills till I get married, or at least my group savings money rolls over (at the end of March). THEN THEN THEN... I began to think that HEY this is just a lesson, it's part of my lenten fast and purification. Is there any reason why I can't pray to God for financial prosperity in the form of another job? Is there any reason on Earth why I can't ask all the precious saints and the Blessed Virgin to petition on my behalf regarding my situation? Is there any reason why I can't meditate, visualise and call these things into my life? You see once the voice of sanity began to take over in my head, I felt much better.

Anyway, I'm going to say my rosary before everyone comes downstairs and bothers me. It's nice to get up in the morning, very early.

 

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