some thoughts

Date:   7/17/2005 11:24:05 AM ( 19 y ago)

I ate a cooked platano. It feels like the same way a bagel does in my stomach. It just sits there. Anyway, I ate half a platano and was making a cup of coffee when a distant memory came back to me. It was about school. This was all triggered by my mechanic who came this morning wanting his money, the rest of it, despite not doing a satisfactory job imho. I didn't have a good night's sleep and this morning I woke up to heavy rain so I was a bit unsettled when my sister woke me up to tell me he was here wanting his $55 dollars. He's such a whiney, little bitch acting like he's doing me favors. Anyway, I was remembering how the teachers in my gradeschool would accuse me of not being able to spell and that I couldn't not properly pronounce words and needed to go to remedial training. This happened to my sister to some degree but no where near the level of oppression I experienced at my grade school and I do believe it was because I attended a predominanty black grade school with students who were performing well below standards (this was at a time right before the crack and rap music epidemic). This was before all the enlightened 'wisdom' of the PC diversity movement talking about 'all our differences' and other such %¤#&!§-. My mother taught me to read, spell and speak and being from a British colony, taught me that way. I memorised the time tables, something that children didn't do in school. The cultural differences I encountered in school were tremendous and not the 'enlightening experience' that many of the usual suspects claim it is. The teachers were decidedly unfriendly and didn't have my interests at heart except to dumb me down to the level of the students around me, to control me. Come to think of it, I would be put on ritalin today! So the teachers were WRONG and I was right. Plus there's one teacher that really made my life miserable who I've given the lowest reviews to on ratemyteachers.com. Every time I think about her, I get upset.

Except what happened? Where did everyone go off the rails so to speak? That's one of the reasons I started this blog. If I meditate, I can go back very far into my young life but it's very upsetting and I usually stop. Someday I'll have to face this pain. Yesterday I was on a case and the client's great granddaughter was playing with her mother and the girl (about three years old) sat in the chair in just a certain position that immediately brought back a lot of unhappy memories. I didn't need to remember any of that stuff considering how depressed I am right now. Maybe I should go to church but I don't feel like going to church because I feel very far from God right now.

More later...

 

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