I need to vent!

Date:   4/18/2005 7:52:53 AM ( 19 y ago)

Good morning everyone. I am going to do something I didn't want to do. I didn't want to write about the bad experiences/times I've been going through. I notice that I only write when things are good and not so good, not when things are downright BAD.

I've started walking on the beach BUT it also seems as if my old eating disorders have resurfaced. I don't know what to make of this except that I made myself sick this weekend from bulimia and overeating. I had a sinus infection and I do believe the stress created from the vomiting helping precipitate that.

I've also not been eating as I should be. I've been eating meat and drinking coffee. I feel like a drug addict or an alcoholic. I am a food addict and so Victoria Boutenko is right when she says cooked food is an addiction. I don't know WHY I am eating those foods. I do know I thought about drinkin some lemon water this morning and instead I drank coffee and ate half a egg roll and a granola bar. The lemon water would have been so much better for my sinuses but NOOOOOOOOO. My face is not looking good either.

I've not been praying my rosary OR meditating at all. Maybe I am under a spiritual attack. I should fight but I don't have any strength. I'm just afraid to move. I don't like to go to therapy. Why is that? Maybe I've just hit a rough spot. After all, I've read of people taking a time to go raw vegan and/or become very spiritual.

I'm such a perfectionist. I set goals that are unrealistic and high for myself then berate myself for failing them.


 

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