This is a time to humbly thank the man Solomon, my birth father, for helping me see what I have to do to create Sacred Space in my Life.

Date:   8/30/2007 12:32:34 PM ( 17 y ago)

10:09 AM
August 30, 2007

I was just communing with an Angel.
I went deep inside.
I felt inner strength.

I opened my eyes and was in a New Goldenrod painted bedroom.
There were not too many extraneous things around.

That is the status of my bedroom now, after
a fresh coat of paint, and a lot of letting go.
I had a good deal of help from James, Scott,
and Scorpio. I did a lot myself of going through
papers.

I am holding Sacred Space Now as I write.

I have lit a candle.
I am looking at it now.

There was no more room for Life in my bedroom.
I was going so fast. I could not get to the bottom
of things.

There was no more room for life in the room
attached to my bedroom that I call my office.

It is a few weeks before the end of this summer
of the Great Earth Cleansings that I began here.

I am saying "I" not from a place of ego,
but Responsibility.

The Great Earth Cleansing for our Earth
begins where you live to, by being an active
point in the universe.

True Spirituality is an Inside Experience of
Connection.

I have been in Sacred Space many moments
of my Life.

I Discovered Sacred Space as a necessity for Survival.

___

I am still Recovering from
exposing myself to a person
I called Dad a lot last week.

That was the most contact
I have had with this man for any continuous
period of time for many years.

He is a very difficult Mirror to look into.
I see now many behaviors that he has
that I accepted and Internalized.

____

I left that Madness years ago
to discover myself.

I went back last week
because there was a small fire
in his apartment.

I felt some sense of obligation
as a son to a father to help him
make sense of his apartment
that was a place of intense hoarding.

___

I had a counseling session with Judith Reno Larkin
a few nights ago.

She helped me see that this is a person who
erased me. Erase is the opposite of Validate.

___


I see where my lack of confidence and sense of competence
with Financial Matters stems from contact with the
Monster Qualities that this man expresses.


The best thing I can do now, is clear my desk and rub it
with Lemon Oil.

[ I will get to the oil later...
I am rereading this now...
and about to sactify by paying some Utility bills.
I am taking on some financial bills that have been
giving me discomfort. ]


____

There is a poem in my book
"Rekindling of Faith" that refers to seeing this man
inside me. I internalized him.

___

He is a man who never grew up.
He has many trappings that are associated
with Religion.

He is a character that reminds me of
Tartuffe by Moliere...a hypocrite.

I do not wish any harm to this man
who I created for my Soul Growth.

___

Shlomo Carlebach, the rabbi, tells a story
of a Holy Man, who was in Hiding.
Someone came to him on Shabbat and the guest
had a most miserable Shabbat due to the inhospitable
nature of the visit.

That story has been in my mind a number of times
this week.

That was like the visit I had with Solomon last week.
He raises his voice often.
He is unnerved, bewildered, self absorbed,
disrespectful.

___

I have Traveled very Far from Remembering
who I am in my Power as a Whole Person,
a Holy Person. I am having an Aha now.

I know many of the Tools
to establish Holiness.

I am going to Establish Holiness
today through Paying a Utility Bill.

I am going to Establish Holiness
through allowing the contact I just had
with an Angel to help me remove blindness
from my eyes.

I thank Solomon for allowing me to come
into the space where he slept, but had filled
with all kinds of things that were intended to
be Sacred, but had lost their meaning.

This is a time to thank Solomon for
showing me what I have to do to enter
a time of fulfillment in my life
through Creating Sacred Space for myself
where I live.

___

process of dying,
did not belong to me--
death and less--

teach me not to do--

great cycling up--
life times---

ontological impasse--
games run--that Solomon
runs--embarrassing--
loosing those parts odf me--

loosing--
my selves dying--
a die off--

familiar with erasing--
give birth to self--

went out and got healthy modeling-
lost legs and hips--

did dark--shadow--stuff--

big giant task

not my job to rescue him--
get new level
of authenticity--
birthing
universaljourney--

Follow my joy line...
be mother father to my own inner child....

1:14 PM
August 31, 07

___








not even mine--
persona not mine
subpersonalities--
slim down period--
assimptions that is not me--
ultra
baby man
when give away power--
baby man
who
empowered adult--


for first time

space new ally--


 

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