Twin Soul/Best Friend is on her way to having her next lover and starting with being her own best friend. Ditto.

Date:   4/6/2007 4:49:53 PM ( 17 y ago)

4:49 AM-6:45 AM
April 5, 07


April 6, 2007
7:17 PM
___

finished on Good Friday.

This Blog will have music.
I am having Techno Difficulty
uploading an mp3 so far.

I have a lovely Track from
friend Riki Newell, called
"Heart's Desire."

I started two new blogs today:
This kind of Blog will be
on my new blog called
"Heart's Desire"

http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=1103&i=1


Please go there to see what that New Blog
is about.
____


Gevurah she b' Chesid
Contraction in the week of Lovingkindness
on the Tree of Life Kabbalistic Journey of Awakening.

Incredible dream about Twin Soul/Best Friend.

Got me out of bed, but attempted to do one easy thing
before I started to write it down. Some of the dream has faded.

It was about a split personality.

One part did not know the other.

She lived in a place where over the wall was
a strange community.

I could not believe it...

Part of her smoked and was callous.

How very unlike Twin Soul/Best Friend!
In the dream, she is mesmerized
and hynotized by the neighbors of this robotic community.

I saw her but she did not see me.

I had some kind of a guide who was showing me how to free her.

There was some kind of deprogramming to help her get out of this
callous state.

I was the ginny pig.

They got her attention...

She was taking some kind of a test, but they were
calling to her subconscious.

I was one of the figures in the distance. They thought
that as she took the test, she would start to choose me from the
distance. Her subconscious would remember
me as a person who linked her to the loving side of herself.

Contact with me started to unravel her memory.

She started to behave like her sensitive loving self.

That was part of the dream!
---

Much shifts going on with Twin Soul/Best Friend.

A couple days ago...I was amazed how in spite of my new inner
strength, I was throw way out of my own Kingdom.

I was close enough to my Kingdom to see that I was thrown out.

When this started last Thursday, Twin Soul/Best Friend and I
had this incredible conversation that lasted for hours.

The first part, we were reveling in each other's new found inner strength.

The relationship has never been more perfect!

Then, at the tail end of Part One, Twin Soul/Best Friend
drops on me her famous Switch A Roo.

"Our relationship is going so well because we are platonic."

Of course, this follows, last Thanksgiving when she was
here. It was the ultimate paradise of time together.
Of course, this "platonic" statement follows our last time making love on
Christmas Eve, when she actually called me her man
and said words like "My Leslie." I had been waiting
years to hear those little words. They were so very healing.

In her normal world, claiming me in words
is enuf to make her barf.

so last Thursday, she gives me the punchline,
"Platonic"

Then she hears the long pause...
She realizes I am holding my breath.

She says, "I'll take it back" but it was too late.

So then we talked for another two hours.
She tells me that was why she called this morning--
to let me know she has made a shift in our relationship
and thought she would like to let me know
we are lovers no more
and haven't been for months in her mind.

"Lovers"...that is another word that would
make her barf...it took five years for her
to let me call her "sweetheart," and another
four to be able to use the word "relationship,"
The honeymoon stage between us lasted at least through
the first year. Maybe even longer.

This whole conversation last Thursday--
it was a dynamic incredible time of sharing appreciation
and realizing weno longer needed each other.

That is a good thing, not being needy for each other,
but bottomline, she wanted
to be available to be a couple with someone else!
She noted that at an event we both attened last Christmas
that I had thanked three people for helping her! Good God!
She tells me,"When we are in public together people think we are a couple!"


I once had a clothes designer named Flora.

We were best friends with a mutual friend, who was still married
but not involved with her husband sexually. He was gay.

Flora said that the husband was the "Cockblocker" for our mutual friend.
In other words, no man would come close because they had the impression
that our mutual friend was married.

Actually, I was her lover at the time, but Flora did not know this.

Twin Soul/Best Friend has been amazing herself this winter.

She cannot believe it, but she feels like she is ready to be a Couple.

The incredible and sad part for me is...I am not the one.

How incredible.

This is a woman who I have learned to dance with in a million ways.

I can accept that she takes off three months for winter to heal.
She has taught me to not take it personally when I do not hear from her.

I finally found comfort knowing that is was O.K. to make mad passionate
love with her and then know that by the time
she turns on the keys to drive home she is totally in another
world.

Sometimes, she would send me a thank you.
or take time to say those words. Her body would
still be reminding her and the message who climb up
into her head and out her pencil holding fingers.

I always liked those Thank You's, but
learned not to make too big a deal out of receiving one.

When I was cleaning up the other day, I actually found
a note and tore it up.

Then there is A
Accepting a woman who takes three months off to do winter?

How many men, or women in relationship will do that?

It is easy for me because I basically do the same,
although it is possible that if we had more physicality,
we might both be healthier in Winter,
but who knows.

In any case, It was clear, once again, from
this great truth telling and mutual appreciation,
I am not the one.

Then she gave me Line 60438: "I want my cake and I want to eat it too!"
Line 60438: In other words, I have heard this one before.

Here is the Cake and Eat it too line:

"I want to keep you as my best friend, but let the sex go."

Gulp. I have heard that no less that ten times in six years,
but I still gulp. That one gets me every time.

Then, she goes into her brilliant Mental Mode.
This part of her can run circles around me and her.
She can outsmart herself brilliantly.

She says, the next day in a follow up call,
"Now, Leslie, you made it through with...to a place of friendship,
so you can do this!"

She names the Dancer.
I suffered with getting over that one for 1 1/2 years
obsessing night and day until I got that former relationship
to a place of friendship...Yikes was that painful.
The greatest day in my life came when I realized I was over her.
I thanked God on my knees I was so grateful to be out of the daily
emotional pain.

Or... maybe she was thinking of M.
M and I made a pretty painless switcharoo.
Twin Soul/Best Friend noted that when she was getting
into our relationship. I would send her emails between
M and I. This made quite an impression in her mind.
She kinda knew then I was had a Degree in Male Love Literacy
that included saying Goodbye to sex with the potential of
not being too messy.

I am still friends with both the Dancer and M., as well as many
of my former lovers.

back to the Dancer,
I am not the same person as I was back then.

I am in my Job's Return Cycle,
a time in my life when all Good things are
beating down the door to get in my pocket.

If it was appropriate right now, I would be making plans to
collect funds for Earth Day, but I am processing this out.
I haven't started to plan for that event less than two weeks away.

What Timing!!! Yikes! What a Time to get a this message!

OF course, this is how it is meant to be.

In order to collect funds,
and have my Job the Prophet-like Return
of All Good Coming to Me,I need to clean house.

So I am cleaning house in any out.

I do not want to be what is the word...
vindictive...the Scorpion that bites...
I prefer more to be the elegant eagle, but
I am no longer beyond feeling anger.

I am not a doormat for any woman.
I am not into being abused by any woman.
I am not into hanging around while Twin Soul/Best Friend
finds her new girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever the case may be.

O.K.,O.K. I can hear her.
She tells me, "Why feel bad now?
I don't have anyone real in the picture???"

Give me a break.
The picture is:
I no longer want you in my body because how good it is,
it keeps us connected.

I want to be available.

Then, she tells me...
She says she feels she is in a hurry with her life purpose.

She acknowledges that she may not even be having a new lover or
be a couple for a while because she is being called to get
on with her life... but she wants to be Open and Available
to "what Spirit has in mind."

I know what it is to be in a hurry...We are Twin Souls.
I have suffered that "I am in a Hurry" a lot.

It takes organic steps to succeed, I am discovering,
as well as Focus and Intent. It take knowing one's life
purpose and action on it.

Back to the point:

I cannot tell you how much time I have wasted in my life
suffering and choosing situations that are pain causing.

I get through the pain, but why repeat the pain?

I no longer have time for it.

Judith says it is masochistic.

Twin Soul/Best Friend could have a woman lover in a second.

She already has a powerful network of gay women that love her.
They would die to make love to her.

She is an exciting, honest, authentic, sensitive woman--
and the truth is, she is no easy piece of cake.

I love challenge. She is not boring.

IN the perfection of our relationship, it was perfect
for me to make love to her for three days three times a year
and then go back to the other parts of my life.

That was perfection for me.
I am 59. I know my life purpose.
I am loving my Life now,
and I love a woman who can be
as creative as Twin Soul/Best Friend
to get completely and utterly into the moment.

These were not just three days...these were days
that brought Heaven and Earth together.

These were days when two beings went into being human to become
Divine. They were days that could be filled with
not only exquisite pleasure, but communication
that brought God deeply into both of us.

[For more on this...go read this other Blog...
Four Women, One Man...

http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=2153
]

Twin Soul/Best Friend..
I have always adored her, with the sex
and in between the sex.

I mean this is a totally adored woman.

During this last Winter of no touch,
other than a lovely cuddle and generous night
in January...that left some momentary pain of wanting more...
I have my memories.

This Winter time, I was even feeling into the idea
that it was O.K. to just have sex once a year.
I sensed that sometime she would be back...she
generally is...I had little difficulty accepting
that she was not into being touched or wanting
to be close....

Aside: A couple weeks ago we had a great talk.
I asked her..."May I totally Love you???
Will you receive my Love???"

She said, "Yes!"

She said, she wanted someone to take care of her
for a change. She spends her time taking of offspring.
I was more than grateful to do that. I would have enjoyed
that thoroughly...What a magical break for MR. Workaholic
over here!!!

I asked her about that one...

"Who am I to stop you from loving me???"
she says.

Then this....the Now Famous Platonic line.

For me, sex and intimacy is
about quality, not quantity at this time in my life.

Our relationship has never been better.

We are incrediblyintimate and witnesses for each other.

We have been through wars together for more than six years,
some with each other, some as witness for each other.

I have been there for her, through deaths, divorces,
illness, ragings, hours of countless listening.
She has done the same for me!

I have been her only lover for more than ten years, or so...
She did not make love for numbers of years before we got together.
She was in a bad marriage.

Since then, I have been profoundly healed being part of her healing
as a woman.

She names me the first man she was able to trust.

I have never been so received by a woman so consistently
over six + years regardless of the her Yo Yo nature
as she sometimes calls it.

Quality?

Our love making can last more than four hours and then
make love again in the morning.

Lovemaking? This is God Making.

This is the deepest pleasure I have ever known
with a woman. Four hours? Not only is she Trusting,
I am trusting. What else keeps a man Virile?

Not boring?

I love never knowing what to expect,
but how many people would love that???

There are times, I would have bet 1 million
to one, I would never,
ever, ever, be inside her again,
and then, and then, guess what???

One of our mutual friends calls that
"intermittent reinforcement"
for me...it was about Woman Rising,
a Woman who on occasion becomes a Full
and Total Goddess, an Instrument of Everything
Holy in the World.

Judith says, I am a rare person.

I am, but this Yo Yo Business,
I can finally say I have been there, done that
with Twin Soul/Best Friend.

I see there are a couple messages on my machine from her.

[ later it turns out...they were not from her!]

I do not feel compelled to listen.

I have other writing to do.

If i listen to those calls,
she will be Actively telling me something...
but bottomline...she has made a decision that
I am not the one...

This is a woman who really NOW knows how to
say No....
No...
No...
No...
until of course...
Ah, her body says...and the words "Yummy"
come out her mouth. When I hear "Yummy"
then comes the pause. Then the kisses come.

Line 40536:

"I love you, but I am not 'in love' with you."

%¤#&!§-. I hate that line.
IT is so mundane, so inappropriate as a way
of defining what happens energetically between us.

Thank God she speaks out loud.
Ultimately always lets me know what she
is thinking or feeling.

Good God, what a gift.

Here is one, where we are in Agreement:

I do not have the same way of seeing
as Twin Soul/Best Friend.

She says, "Sex does not mean the same to you as it does to me."
She is very accurate about that.

God made a Vagina and a Penis
with more than more intent.

When a man goes in, he is suppose to get into a woman
energetically. That is my current relationship to S-E-X.


Intimacy?

I have never been so intimate with another human being
so consistently. This relationship is not about
definition, but I am not going to be playing with those
definitions of love, and 'in love.'

Freedom?

This is a woman who needs to go out and have more experiences.

This is a woman who is asking to be Free, and does not
realize the Freedom she already has right here with me.

So God Bless Twin Soul/Best Friend. Go get what you want
because Life is totally out to satisfy your desires and wants.

Energetic Connection?

I have written about the energetic connection between us
many times.

Just Google Twin Soul/Best Friend on the Google search engine
for
Http://wwww.Curezone.com.


One time, I had a lock stuck in my laptop.
It was unnerving. I could not get it out for the life of me.
The Apple guys said, "Take it to a lock smith. Have them
Hack saw it off, but be careful not to destroy your laptop."

Great!

I took the Laptop to the bedroom of Twin Soul/Best Friend,

My laptop was in the bedroom when we made love.

In the morning, I carried the laptop into the dining room
to work while she was still sleeping.

The lock was off!!!

Can you believe that!!!

What kind of Soul inspired energies exist between us????

I cannot tell you the number of electical and electronic
things that have happened, including the EG Mobile not wanting
to leave her house, or signals that have not worked a certain way
pointing in the direction of her house when I want to leave prematurely.
Then, the next day I go home, and she calls me.
You know, if you had stayed over, I woke up the next morning
wanting you.

Learning to say "No"
Learning to say 'Yes."

I have watched this woman learn to say NO with me
as well as YES.

It has been an amazement.

I know when I go to God, I will get a BSA--Bright Shiny Award
for having earned my Brownie Points of Self Growth with her.
I know I have uplifted and contributed to the life of another human being.
For me, that is the Ultimate.

Sexy?

This is a sexy, delicious, woman.

I have loved her through the hell
I have experienced in her and enjoyed
the heaven between us. Heaven between us
has came from growing through difficulty.

I walk away with a ton of poems that will
outlive our mortal bodies.

You wait and see.

This is a woman that once wrote me up
papers and asked me to sign them...
it was called "The Deal of a Lifetime."

She asked for monogamy.
She wanted to give all.
She had an out clause for the day when
she would return me to the River of Life.

I have gained so much.
She acknowledges what she has gained.

She is absolutely right.

I am likely her "cockblocker"
as Flora used the word. I know
she has it in her to go both ways.

This woman, I love her every move.
How love how she dances.

I love her humility and the things in
life she calls important.

This is a woman who down dresses.
She can turn me on with her clothes on or off.
On occasion, she dresses up. She is attractive
to me and others.

She deserves new experiences.

I deserve new experiences. Gulp...

At the seder, I imagined when there were four women there...
that Twin Soul/best friend could have been there too.

She would have thoroughly enjoyed this.

I can even imagine possibly being with her and not
being sexually attracted.

So I want to free her to go out and come back
with her new lover.

I am going to enjoy being my best friend and lover now.

And as she says, "I will leave it to Spirit to find me my new love."

That will be an interesting thing.

Is there anyone who would want a man who basically enjoys
making love deeply and totally for a number of times a year,
but needs alot of time alone to fulfill the other parts of his life
purpose????

There is another part of this story.

Last Sunday was an amazement.

Stephen, the new owner of Hidden Valley Health Retreat,
invited me to his Seder up at Hidden Valley.

THe EG Mobile was still in the shop being painted.

I gave up going up there. I had too much to do,
but as usual I woke up the next morning, wanting to get there,
but not having a clue how I would get up there.

The same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago,
when I knew, no matter what, I had to get up to the Whole Foods
Local Summit, even though I had been up since 3 AM the day before.
I was up the from 3AM, and worked through the entire next day and
eve, and then had to be out at the farm to get a ride with Joe
at 5 AM to go to LA!!!!

What?????

I got 30 minutes of sleep on the Jensen inspired Bodyslant--
a slant board where your head is lower than your feet.

Then, as I left and loaded...I was inspired to remember
back in January 1, how I was so sick with diarrhea but I made
it up there late. I did not have diarrhea now.

ON the way there, a tremendous fog came in.
I could not even see ten feet in front.

I made it out toward the farm.

Then, I the fog was so thick I missed the road turnoff.
I had to double back. Then I found my way to the farm.
I could not see!!!

I ended up on the road to the compost pile.
Then I backed out...the next thing I knew.
I was stuck in a ditch and felt like I was about
to roll off a cliff.

Great.

The cell phone does not work up there, but this time
I was able to call Joe.

"Where are you?" he says.

"Joe, come and find me! My lights are on."

Now that is real brotherhood.

I had my foot holding the brake so I would not roll
backward.

Joe came and found me.

Then, I stuffed a bunch of clothes in the truck and we left
for LA.

When we got there, I changed into my sport suit.

I had no shower for three days, unusal for me.
I was empowering a new T shirt from the Organic Center.
I had been working night and day for weeks.

The meeting, called the Whole Foods Local Summit, was a turn around
for my life.

I knew I had to be there, no matter what.

I met Marci Frumkin the Marketing person for the Whole Foods Region.

Joe and I had already been to the Natural Product Expo West together
and created millions of dollars of opportunities
but the Whole Foods followup will be enough to ensure Joe's success.

So back to the story...

Last Sunday, I had no vehicle.

Diane New Cohen took me to the Farmer's Market.

Then I called Cutty. He came and got me.
He took me up to Jensen's, 50 miles away. He and Jana
left, and then he came back to get me!

Good God.

Being there in a pinch?

I know Twin Soul/Best Friend in an emergency
would help me too, and she has regardless
of how she feels,
and there are some real difficult things
to forgive and let go.

Forgiveness...

She was with me for my first surgery for hip revisions.
We laughed together and laughed at my world class surgeon
who said "no sex until 13 weeks after surgery."

She had an orgasm in the hospital bed. Then
came home with me.

Our bodies are made for each other!
Amazing. We can get into Kamasutra positions that
have not been discovered yet.

People look at us and know that the words
Twin Soul were made for us.

I had a hospital bed in my bedroom with a trapeze.
The delightful, inventive, and creative acrobat
finds her body above mine.

I will never forget that one.

I am sure sex between us then promoted hip healing.

Oh my God, what a lovely, lovely body...

I better stop heading in that direction.
or I will describing body parts that are enough to die for.

May the next lovers appreciate them as much as I have.

I am sure they will.

As I told her when she gave me message 60348--
Platonic...

I have heard this message so many times...
and spent so many months grieving the loss,
that I no longer have it in me to grieve too long.

I have been kicked out of this garden so many times
after been so deeply inside. I have lost count.
It all is a blur the times she has come and left,
and yet never, ever truly left.

This is a woman who has never, ever truly abandoned me,
and I have never abandoned her.

There has always been the potential as well of
that surprise revisit into each other's body
when she feels my body
and says that, "Yummy!"

Yummy?

One thing leads to the next once that word
is out of her mouth. She says it kinda low.
Then, those extradinary kisses start,
full moutn kisses. By then she is out of her mind
and I am amazingly surprised.

By the next time, generally that night, we are both ready,
and God comes in.

Enuf is enuf.

I am not going to be kicked out of this garden
again.

Let someone else have that privilege and experience.

There is always the option that Twin Soul/Best Friend
will find a more perfect love. I am sure she is on her way to doing
that.

She is becoming her own best friend.
That is a Pre-operative for finding a Perfect Lover.

Twin Soul/Best Friend:
She has made extraordinary spiritual growth since we met.
During the last year, phenomenal growth.
and now it is her time to learn more about human relationship
and what other kinds of people ask of her to be a Couple again.

Graduation?

What a graduate program this has been!!!

I am utterly grateful!!!

When I got up to Jensen's last Sunday,
there was a woman who called herself an Oracle.

I met her the week before when I did a tour
of the property on what would have been Dr. Jensen's official 99th Birthday.
1908-2001 those were his years this time.

Not five minutes together and out of her mouth,
the Oracle says:

"I had a dream last night.
You were with a high Goddess and you were side by side
making love. She healed you through sexuality."

I thought that was amazing to hear this.

Twin Soul/Best Friend gives me my walking papers
less than 48 hours before, I return to my most powerful
healing land, the former Jensen property, and an Oracle
is telling me, she sees me with another woman.

I tell her, that Twin Soul/Best Friend and I have been together
six + years. Seven is the new cycle.

The oracle says,
"Bless her. She is stepping out of the way so someone
else can come in."

Of course, there is a little part of me that imagines
that Twin Soul/Best Friend could be the new transformed person,
but nah, why cultivate that one.

She wants someone new, and even though I am new,
let her feel someone new.

A shift happened for me that day.

I would not think of being open to another lover.
I only wanted Twin Soul/Best Friend.

Now, I would like to know that there is another woman
who wants a rare loving man.


IT reminds me of the scene in "Dune" where the
Risen One says,
"He is the...Big Holy Moly...or whatever he became....
He rode the worms, remember? I love that film...

I love worms too!

This is a woman, who has gone out of her mind
and said more than once:

"You are the World's Greatest Lover!"

I imagine Twin Soul/Best Friend
would give a letter of recommendation.

"To Whomever...it might Concern...
this is to introduce....
Leslie Goldman Your Enchanted Gardener,
who on a number of occasions I would
have to say...is
The World's Greatest Lover.
He has been that for me."

The Truth is...

Twin Soul/Best Friend is also the World's Greatest Lover as well
and I know there is a wonderful new lover for her coming.

He/She will come because she has learned
this great message:

"My wisdom in loving you is that I know I much you love your self.
Anyone who loves you, as much as you do, will always be good to me!

The next question is always...
40638..."Are we still friends???"

%¤#&!§-.

Of course, we are still friends,
and I will always love you...
for now, I am Taking Space.

Amen.

New Draft of Artwork
created the day before I wrote this:

http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=2155



___
The Tract is "Heart's Desire"
© Riki Newell. Used with permission.
Please respect his copyright.
Enjoy this music hear.
If you want a copy, please
purchase the CD.

"Heart's Desire"
from the CD "La Ventana"
by Riki Newell
to purchase CD,
send check for $22.00
to Riki Newell
PO Box 30875
Tucson, Az 85751


For Questions,
520.290.0859

____

"I deserve love.
I create and see my healthy,
loving, wondrful relationahip now.
I know what to do and I do it.
I am so happy and grateful
that I have found my most compatible
soulmate."--Lorie Newell
Spiritual Therapist
520.290.0993

 

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