I do not do sick well. Nightmare.

Date:   1/4/2007 2:44:26 PM ( 17 y ago)

10:46 AM
January 4, 06

I don't do sick well.
This is the third day of disciplines
to ease the irritation in my bowel (IBS).

Awoke with a nightmare:

I was in a hall, surrounded by Jewish people praying.
My father was on stage doing the Jewish High Holidays
services. I visited him a number of times over the years
when he did such a thing.

I was amazed that I was in a pretty good comfort zone
being there. Generally, I can feel very uncomfortable in
this kind of situation. Many Jewish assemblies can bring
up childhood pain and discomfort.

My sister, was with me. She was younger than she is now.

At one point, donuts came down from the ceiling,
as if that was one of the rituals.

I began eating a jelly donut and enjoyed it very much.

In the next scene, I was outside, and was wanting
very much to go back inside and eat the other donut.
I was so grateful that this cream puff type donut was
still in there, on the floor in some kind of plastic bag.

Then, the building became a hall inside a medical
facility, a hospital conference room or something like that.

I heard a rumor that there were pieces of meat, human
meat that were falling in different places, but I could not
believe this, and pushed it out of my mind.

In another scene, it was time to go, and as I walked
outside, I saw these pieces of meat, that looked cooked
like steak or something. I was horrified that a dog
that I knew was near one piece. I am not sure if he
was eating it.

Then, I went to my car, a low to the ground Corvette
kind of car, and I wanted to pull away, but I was horrified
that there was a big piece of meat under it and I would
have to run over it.

In the next scene, I was in the middle of the road,
kind of feeling at peace. I was under the car where the
meat at been. Suddenly, I was frightened to realize
I was under the car in the middle of the road, and in danger
of being hit by other cars in the other lanes.

It was an appallng nightmare and I was shaken when woke up.

___

I think part of this had to do with the bleeding
I was doing yesterday from the irritation of so many
evacuations. I was the meat.

I am having a difficult time cooperating with this
semi fast. This is the third day. I feel lightheaded.
My bowel seems to be improving. I am going to acupuncture
leave for acupucture in an hour. I have an important
phone call in about twenty minutes. I am a bit cold.
I feel pains now in my bowel.

I am feeling lightheaded.

It is all I can do to clean up some things.
I am grateful for the seasons when I have the energy
and strength to pursue dreams.

Right now, my body is wanting me.
This takes a lot of surrender.

It triggers "my not enough' button.
I realize I work at lot because this is my identity.

I am in denial a lot about my physical health needs.
I refuse to accept sickness.

I am in shock now to remember once again,
I am in this state from time to time, and it can last
a very long time. When I am well, I forget completely.

My digestion has been off at least a month.
I have had intense diarrhea since Christmas Eve.

Yesterday's report:

http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=2132


Whoa! Need to lay down...






 

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