What is Public? What is Private? I am working out issues now of being seen and revealed.

Date:   12/21/2006 8:12:18 AM ( 18 y ago)

5:35 AM
December 21
Winter Solstice
The Beginning of Winter
The Darkest Night of the Year
from a Natural Viewpoint

December 18: A Portal Day when the energies
of Heaven and Earth kissed and were open to each other
as noted by friend Joseph-Mark Cohen, of the Tree of Life
School, and participant in the Essene Mystical Gathering
of 2004 with Rav Gabriel Cousens and Your Enchanted Gardener.

December 21: Today.


"Life for me is a story to be told.
I live on the outskirts of dreams."
--leslie, age 29
in "Loving Together."


I am up early.
My mind is filled with deep questions
resolving mental confusions
fears, and concerns that came up last night.

I went to bed wanting to get out of bed
rush to the Plant Your Dream Blog on Curezone
and mark the writings I did yesterdaqy as Hidden.
Hidden means, I can see them, but no one else can
read them. I notice that sometimes
I mark them Hidden, but somehow, someway,
there appears to be another Higher Power working
through my Life that often makes what I do and what
I say Public.

I spent yesterday morning writing out personal feelings
and processing here in my Open Journal, thoughts
and feelings about the Kaballah Conference.
Putting out some of these thoughts makes me uncomfortable.

I once had a friend and intimate
for five years who played the harp.
She is still a best friend.
She was beloved by Reb Schlomo Carlebach,
who in his day was noted as the Most Traveled Jew
in the World. He ran up a lot of Frequent Flyer Miles
for God.

We had a running discomfort. She knew that often
what we said between us would end up in a book
or poem. I share the same discomfort right now.

The God I pray to is a personal God
because I am Personal.
The God I strive to live for is a personal God
because I have limbs, and mouth, and tongue
to express and sometimes to hold back.

I did my best to avoid speaking to Twin Soul/Best Friend
yesterday. She is blatantly honest, increasinging so.
We are in a powerful, healing relationship that brings
up both our stuff, as we seek to establish trust, and intimacy.
She can trigger me in an instant.

She expressed her confusions.
I came away feeling confused myself.

Later in the evening.
the Lights went out here in the Enchanted Garden
Intentional Community, my home.
Too much energy was going through the circuits
of the house. The circuits were overloaded.

I did not want her in my energy field yesterday
until I was able to capture some of my core ideas from
the Historic Kaballah Conference that I attended
Monday eve and Tuesday.

It is the nature of man that he often seeks
to control woman. She at her best,
represents unceasing movement.
I am no different at times,
though I strive to surrender
and return to love.

What is Public?
What is Private?

Whose new eyes will be reading these words
as a result of the healing energies that
transpired at the Kabbalah Conference?

What do we Give to the World that we imagine is ours?
What do we Hold Back?

"I've made a decision
not to hold back anything.
I've decided to tell everything I'm feeling,
not just the good stuff I'm feeling.
I've decided to share myself, all of myself,
because that truly is everything I am.
We can't hold back our self
from giving until what we have to share
is all sweet and clean.
It's the very act of giving
that sweetens and cleans us."

From "Rekindling of Faith"
© 2006, Leslie Goldman, Your Enchanted Gardener

The Essene Minister Terry Cole Whitaker wrote a book
called "What You Think of Me is None of My Business."

Have I the courage to keep listening
to the Visions that fill my head as I semi-sleep
when it is dark outside in the world but light in my head?

Have I the courage to live,
as fully as possible, during the hours
that most people are working 9-5 but in some sense, asleep?

Can I hold to my stance, that it is better to
reveal as much of my intimate life for the sake
of raising up sparks, both my own
and those who will visit these words?

This theme of public and private
was one of the pressing issues of the Kabbalah Conference.

One Rabbi spoke of the Kabbalah as a gift
given to the Jewish people, as a bride.
Would you share your bride with others?
Would you expose things that belong only in the bedroom
with the world?

Who "owns" the Kabbalah?
Is it for the eyes of Jews alone,
or the eyes of anyone who has a consciousness to
be drawn to it?

What is the covenant between a man
and a woman who share love and intimacy?

All these thoughts are running through
my circuitry right now.

I have more questions than answers.

I want to address more of this later.

___
For more on the powerful December transits,
go to this Blog:


http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=2083



 

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