Writing to the bottom of things. Proclamations of my New Life Script for this year.

Date:   9/26/2006 9:04:00 AM ( 18 y ago)

September 26, 06
6:54 AM

Looking at some New Year Resolutions
I am making so I can gain more freedom
this year.

Spoke to Best Friend last night
about my being more honest
with my feelings, and more honest
in my writing. Writing for me is
a tool of healing. I can get under
and through feelings through writing
them out. I can become more
conscious and bring to light my dark
places that need more Light.

She is her own woman.
I cannot control her.
I can only control me,
and yet, what am I asking
from this intimate relationship?

I have feared she would run away
if she knew my honest feelings
that run through me at time.
I have feared her love
that love would leafve if I owned
my dark corners.

I cannot live this way.
This is being stuck in darkness and hiding.
How can love leave?
How can her love leave?
How can there be any shortage of love
in my life, from her, or another, or both
or me when I am filled with love?

How can there be anything but fulfillment,
and sensuality, and joy, and happiness
if my life and home our filled with this?

Friends. Friends. Coming and Going.
Deep thoughts. Sharing. Kindness.
Openness.

From the Intro of my book
"God is Also Rated X":

People believe there are secrets between them.
Life begs us. Life asks. It says don't hold back.
We come to own life through owning our own experiences.
My many deaths. My rebirths. My withholds. My secrets.
My visions.,my pride, my false steps. My pure heart.
I give them up to make room for more of me to self express.

I offer these intimate expressions in the spirit
of that sharing.

San Diego,
Feb 14, 1983

Woke up this early morning
in conversation with my higher self.
I am building a new foundation where
I do not yo yo up and down emotional
according to the distancing or closeness
Best Friend shows me sexually.

I want my constant to be in another place.

Playing with the vision of the Shekinah,
the feminine side of God,
as my constant Lover.
Want to cultivate my love relationship
with Gaia, and recognize I am surrounded
constantly by Angelic presences
that Love me.

I want to get to the bottom once again
and plant the knowing"

Love Never Leaves.

This relationship to sex stems
for an early childhood wound
where I store the fear of abandonment.

I am getting to the bottom of this.

Best Friend is not taking back her love
just because she is feeling this way or that way
in any given moment.

She is not rejecting me simple because
she is into her own life in a particular way.

I have other things to do with my life,
other places to gain satisfaction and fulfillment.

I want to get into this again and cycle up from
dependence, to independence, to interdependence.

I am going to allow my home to be more
a place of fulfillment in this New Year that began
for me September 22.

I am going to hold on to the feelings of empowerment
I felt going through the Angel Wash at the Whole Being Weekend.

It was good to hear so many witnessing to the compassion
they felt coming from me.

I liked so hearing so many say I was an icon for them
of what the Whole Being Weekend is all about.

People were observing qualities in me, even though
I was not at the central Microphone that much during
the weekend.

I have visions of a Whole Being Council once again this
morning.

I want to bring the energy of the Whole Being Weekend
down from the Mountain.

Truly, we are born to be Whole Beings in the World.

Can you imagine living in a world where Love is the norm
and not the abnorm?

Can you imagine lving in a world where we each
are doing Soul Inspired activity that gives us back
our needs?

Can you imagine having all the Love for yourself
and from others that you need to feel content and happy
and truly a part of this glorious world intended
to be an Enchanted Garden?

I for one want to get down in the Cracks and
look squarely in the eye of at those places
where I feel afraid.

I want to become the author
and authority of my life.
I respect those in responsibilities
they have taken on, but there is always
Space for another workshop, another expression.

It is my responsibility to put out into this hungry
world, Soul Food.

I am recommiting to put out my books.
I am recommiting to let go of more things
holding up the space in my room.

I am committng to allow more people
to give me the love I was feeling at the Whole Being
Weekend.

I am committing that the Whole Being Weekend
be more than a weekend because this Universe
deserves our Whole Being, alive and well,
in this world that is starving in the midst of plenty.

There is no shortage of Love.
There is no shortage of Food
when we grow it organically and by nature's technology.

There is no shortage of Peace
as we live honoring each other
and the gifts of our various spiritual traditions
that can have personal meaning for us.

Tell me true!
What is your New Life scrpt
for this New Year that can begin for you
on the Autumn Equinox.

You have either been Jewish, are Jewish,
or will be Jewish in your Soul LIfe,
just as what makes you up now
was once rock, once dust, once fire,
once air.

So, what is your New Life Script????

I want to know.

You are not alone.

You are not sick.

There is nothing wrong with you.

What ever you are doing to improve your life
and health is good, so do it if that is what
will give you more life.

what are the vows you made a long time ago
that are no longer working for you?

What are your new vows?

What are you committed to receive and give from life?

How intimate are you willing to be with what is dark
within you?

What are you willing to cleanse now
through telling the truth and not keeping
secrets to yourself?

Are you willing to not control others so you do not
feel your fears?

Can you give that up?

7:34 AM





 

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