Breathing in some nurturing feelings that happened yesterday.

Date:   8/28/2006 2:49:54 PM ( 18 y ago)

12:09 PM
August 28, 06

Felt anxious about three things this morning,
two that I have been putting off--fix it things
around the house--feeling pressure from housemates
about fixing them.

Realized it was about handling Adult
Responsibilities, and so made some calls.

1. EG Mobile towed into Asgede right now.
He is busy down there at The Big House,
formerlyu The Bug House.

2. Ordered the part I needed from Nikken.
I was concerned that would flow. I was able
to place the order without depending on Joanie Spear,
my good Nikken connection and major EG Sponsor.

3. Took a leap and looked on the internet for solution
to the Wasps that are right outside the kitchen window.
They are friendly Creatures, possibly Aliens from another
planet. Have you looked at the eyes of a Wasp up close?

Yesterday morning, I finally took time to go out
and find out about this nest.

H and Norah have been reall concerned and this Wasp
note has been on the board for a week, as well as
The Water Filter is broken Note.


IT makes me nervous to have these notes
on the board.

I mean how many things can you do at one time?????


Had MAJOR ANXIETY with the new Hard Drive Saturday night.
I know the Quicken info I have been working on all summer
opens on the State of the Art MacPro down at the Apple Store
but for the life of me, I could not get it to do other than say
"Unexpected Quit" every time I triend to Open the New Installation
of this Newly Upgraded G4 Powerbook 550.

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Why would it not OPEN????
Insert the F word here please.

Sunday morning:

I am suppose to be prepping to get out the door
to the Slow Foods event.

What am I doing???

Fumbling around...seeing if maybe the Quicken 2004
will Open.

Nope.

I am doing three things at once...
and could have even forgot my camera
for a photo shoot, I am not dis-com-bob-u-late-d.

I haven't been out all Summer.
I am at the Isolation Phase where
I am screaming for Mother or any responsible
resemblance. It doesn't help knowing
we have to stand on our own two feet
when our Whole F-in world seems to be
Undependable.

"Momma! Momma! Momma!"
where are you????

How Self Shaming...
to beat myself up for these Bodily Sensations
coming up from Cracks where I STUFFED
them more than 40 years ago.

Jesus...how many times can we suffer
the loss of being left home alone at night
as a Kid.

The truth is it never goes away Until we get
in there and through there.

I do believe Breakdowns can lead to Breaktrhoughs.

So here I am at the Slow Foods event.

Yummy.
I have been the only one in the world for months.
Have you ever been the only one in the World
stuck on an island?
I mean how to C-O-N-N-E_C-t.
Where Is Friday?????

Ouch!

Oh the pain--walking through Whole Foods--
Traumatized...I can't reach out.
I am invisible...

So yesterday was my First Day up for Air
in a few months of Record Keeping
and Structure building.

And here I am at this Slow Foods event...
Haven't touched anyone for months
and these Yummy Photo Ideas are Surfacing
around all these lovely energies and beautiful
women and the guys.

Here is this Youth Filled beautfiul Young woman
sitting at the Table working the Credit Cards.

So I am taking photos of her and she is modeling
and next thing I know she is saying,
"I want those photos!" I mean that happens
all the time
and she is looking through the camera
at the photos
and leaning into me...
I mean does she know what she is doing???
Her beautiful breast is leaning into me
and I am taking in all that innocent lovely
energy

I mean not just brushing by but leaning
how innocent,
how lovely,
how nurturing
trusting
and I am breathing in all this
lovely female healing.

Oh Mamma,
thank you.

 

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