Ramblings...Computer purchases... Finding my Ground...

Date:   8/26/2006 12:58:12 PM ( 18 y ago)

10;22 AM
August 26, 06

Adult behavior required now.

I didn't see Adult behavior modeled
by my parents.

My mother bailed out before
I had my Bar Mitzvah,
the time when Jewish kids
are said to start adulthood.

My father is massively dependent.

I am the next generation.

Adult Behavior:

Accept I Choose this inheritance
out of Service to myself
and the world that so desperately
needs to grow up now.

Adult Behavior:

Do my best.
Share what I Re mem ber
through openly communicating
to you, to those in my Circle of Influence.

Would like to believe I can Do IT.
I can make it through what is in front of me.

Whatever let me imagine I was doing O.K.--
the addictions--are not working very well now.

Service Projects are not happening now.
I had to let them go to pay attention
to the Foundation.

The Foundation is surrounded with unresolved
Issues that evoke the Trauma.
The Foundation is surrounded by Wounds--
Cracks in the Whole Being of my nature.

Just up from a nap--a lucid dreaming
nap to feel my feelings and see a way out of this.

BINGO:

I am not standing on my own two feet.
I feel no solid Foundation underneath me now.

My Mother she carried me.
I was safe in her lap.
It was her feet that carried me.

I never was given the roadmap to
discover my own two feet.

I never became an adult.
Is this possible?

On dependent:
I have my connection--
through others.

I am so ashamed to admit this.

I can feel insecure when they are not here.

I go into panic and terror when they disappear.
I feel this in my body.

Technology has been a False Rescue.
I can see that now with my Powerbook G4 550
in the shop getting a new harddrive.

Technology gives a false sence of connection
that can disappear in an instant
with a whirling sound in the guts
of the internal mechanisms that
send me realing into insecure feelings.

How about you?

How many computers can we have to feel secure?

I am on my Powerbook G4 400 backup now.
At least I can communicate to you.

I use a PC as well to build my websites.
It is inflicted under the surface with Invasions
of Spyware.

I am having the damnist time getting it Secure.
I bought Norton Anti Virus, and Norton Security
a number of years ago.

I renewed the Norton Anti Virus.

"I get LU 1821 Message.
This Update failed becasue it triedto overwirte
a file that is in use.
Close all Symantic applications
and Run Live Update Again.

Installing Norton AntiVirus Definitions
failed (2 of 2)

LU 1840: Automatic Live Update is already
running in the background.
Please wait for the Live Update Sessing to finish
before running Live Update again."

FInally I discovered their is a Live Chat person
at Symantec. They were sending me to find
some EXE virus that I could not find.

I followed their instructions and the connection
was broken with them.

"We are here to help you," the Live Chat said.
I felt so secure for a moment.

Found a new Mother, and then she was gone
into Cyperspace with one click of the wrong button.
Disconnect....but later an email from them...
and then nothing...

This old PC, it was a hand me down, but lets me
make web sites.

What have I really gained from having so many websites?

A bad question to even ask right now
that only makes me feel an emptiness
a hole in my gut.

This old PC has Windows 98 and runs slow
as Hell.

I only know enough about it to be dangerous.
It will not let me transfer photos anymore to upload
them.

I waste so much time attempting to work around
the fact that I am using Old Tech that cannot support
what I want to do without using up my Life.

Yesterday I was talking to Best Friend,
and the Connection helped me feel my own
Personal Power .

I resolved to go out and buy a new PC.
They are discounted nicely.

Can the old one be fixed and make it workable?
Am I giving up too fast...???

I tried turning off The Norton Internet Security 2004
to see if that was what was interfering from allowing
me to Do Live Update. In an instant of Turn Off
I was deluged with Viruses that are already in the machine.

What is Adult behavior now?

1. Go back to Comp USA and complete the transaction
for the the PC...

HP Pavillion Notebook
SKU #339892
This is the last day of the sale.

Advantages--
Lee, my accountant used Quickbooks on the PC.
They will help me, and he asked me to bring in
a laptop...when I come in to see him.
They are PC.

I experimented and saw I could open my web sites
on the PC down at Comp USA.

{Leslie, please stop and call Scott Murray...
the Slow Foods Fundraiser is tomorrow...
If you want to do that event and do photos there,
call Scott now.

10:55 AM]

O.k.

2. Status of new harddrive from Crywolf?

3. New Mac Purchase...???
so I can do i podcasting and make DVD's


Question: Is that the direction that
is going to help get my materials out?

Classes:
Learn to use Photoshop better
at the Adult Ed classes...

Adult Ed...
that's what I need,
Adult Ed.





 

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