A love letter to me... thanks for listening!

Date:   6/27/2006 12:40:35 PM ( 18 y ago)

10:12 AM
June 27, 2006

Got an email from Lisa Carey,
who is continuing the job that Amy Watts
did at the Organic Trade Association.

Got a glitch in my membership cleared up.
I will be working with Lisa Next year.

I am moving through my cleanup
and this makes me more attached to the glimmers
of life energy where I have last felt intimate life.

I do not do well in the dredges of recordkeeping
that take energy but do not give too much back.

Hopefully,...YES..I will have a better foundation system
that flows and does not demand such long periods of down
time from the things that give me LIFE
LIFE
LIFE

I have so much to GIVE
GIVE GIVE to LIFe
and it is so easy to forget
when my life gets so small.

Then I had unnecessary pressure
on my Loved Ones who are just doing fine
to keep afloat and growing.

I am grateful for the love I do have
and I am open to MORE MORE MORE
SERVICE CONNECTION JOY

JOY
JOY

It is Essential that I do this clear now of my space.

How about you in your space????

I am facing the limits of what I can do.

I want a flow that goes slow enought that I have
sound foundations and take time so the record keeping
is a help aid to see where I am at in my life
and not something that depresses me because
I have anxiety over things undone and deadlines unmet.

Profit and loss can be of use if a person has a system...
I meet tons of folks through the year, but I cannot keep
up with them.

Asking what I really can do to do the most good
with the next 20 years???

I am having to face the reality of limits...

Gratefully, the long awaited checks are now in.

Yesterday I got $500 from the Alliance for Family Farmers
that is the non-profi behind Pet Promise, the great
pet food company that is helping to save the Bison
from extinction.

I also got a check recently from the Organic Center
who will be using my photos are were thrilled with them!!!

The other big check this year came for work to the
Organic Trade Association. I have been their photographer
at their main fundraiser each year at the Natural Product
Expo West.

Three very important organizations have used my services.
That is So Very Great
but I am facing how much time and energy it takes
to get anything done
SO
where is the most satisfaction going to come from???


1. I need to ground the house this summer
and establish the ownership so this is no longer a burden
on my mind.

I have been enjoying working with outside gardeners.
The systems need to be set in place.

Thank GOD
Thank GOD
Thank GOD
I have a full house of great people living here now....
and one VERY, VERY SPECIAL new gardener!!!

2. Then, there are the two writing projects that can
give me energy.

Mary Rose is supporting the Harpo book coming out.
SO good to have colaboration.

Sweet, dear Harpo, he gave up so much love
from those who wanted to love him, and he did so much
good for SO, SO, Many including me!

Have you noticed how God uses us, no matter what
are imperfections?????

Poor Harpo, so driven by guilt and yet,
there was never a person I have met who could
SO rise up to be in Pure JOY and Pure Love
and give so wholeheartedly to others!!!

A Madman, YES!
absolutely, but oh what good he did for countless...
wait till you read some of the entries from my journal.
He was a Man on a Mission,
and our World so desperately needs to hear and have
the Consciousness of Sacred Food that he carried...
His Resurrection will come from culling out
the Chaff from the Wheat.

Years from now, people may wonder about my own Insanity
that drove me to constantly want to bring UP the Enchanted Garden.

Why did God choose a Cripple,
so with lack of self esteem
in body parts and extremes of emotion
to do such an important work????

How my God, how more beautiful the world
would be/ will be if I can find a way
in spire of my Imperfections to RELEASE
what is on the shelf
in spite of the self imposed suffering
and isolation I can experience.

I want to do so much!!!!
so much!!!
That is my Achilles Heel!!
I see so much that could be done.

I hear where Yogananda would see one person
in the audience and focus on them....
I do that...I make it real...by taking so much joy
in the upliftment of a few souls who really can get me
at times. I so apologize and ask that they allow me
to love them.

Jensen said, "We love for ourselves."
He said, "We go to Heaven on the Coattails of those who have
loved.

I have been reading some of Lapis's and Daisy things
about the misdeeps that Sai Baba has done.

I wonder about these extreme characters
who do bring so much Light and have so much Dark
in themselves.

Have you not noticed the pattern?

They say Jesus was the only one who was in Perfection
and it took him 33 lives to get there....actually, in the Essene
work they say he was already in Perfection in a number of those
lives.

I have worked with some of the really great servants...
I have met very few that you could not say
had a shadow as wide as Grand Canyon
if you really really loved.

I wouldn't say what I know.
What is the point?

Their darkness has been used by the Divine
in them.

I know this about myself.
I can't tell you how weak I feel in moments
and also how very high
how very, very HIGH.

I know I have done some rotten things
and I know that I have uplifted myself and the world.

Please,
Please,
I so want to be free to serve
and lift this hurting world.

The world is hurting because of your pain
and my pain that is not processed.

Pain goes with the territory.
Suffering is optional.

Even Jesus suffered, but as Jensen
said, "Jesus wept" is the shortest line
in the Holy Book. He wept and then he got over it.

Please God,
I want to keep making progress.

Lobbying.
Lobbying.
Sacramento.
My friend John Vasconcellos
showed me the place.
I was there--
An Enchanted Gardener set loose at the Capital.

God forbid if it happens more often.

They are just people, folks, in circles of power,
I saw it. They are people with feelings and hurts
and pains...and I would bring them photos
and fun and joy and gardens.

They just need our friendship.

I was able to give some love once to the Governor.
He said, "Will you be my historian?"
I said, "No, I want to be Your Enchanted Gardener!"

Forgive.
Forgive.
Forgive ourselves
for the hurt we cause ourselves.
For the hurt, and the suffering,
and keep cleaning up.
UP
UP
UP

I love you Harpo.
I love you Best Friend.
I love you Tina, and Mary Rose.
I love me.
I love me.

your eg

off to acupuncture...

 

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