So many of us have been scratched by absent fathers. We do what we can do make the most of this.

Date:   6/18/2006 8:35:15 PM ( 18 y ago)

6:23 PM
June 18, 06

Home from a weekend in the desert.
Lots to wonder.
Want to use the remaining daylight to
put some foods away from the FM.

Called my dad.
He is in the convalescent home.

Read some of the blogs from Mary Rose
and comments from TIna Andrews about
our fathers.

Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach spoke about
each of us being scratched by experiences.

I wrote about the Crack alot
the Crack in us where the Soul is in hiding.

So many of us have had God awful experiences
with our own parents.

It is so common to have unavailable parents
and it is one of the easiest ways to be scratched.

I can so relate to what Tina writes
about how her dad would drop in and out without notice
and now this effected
and set up the pattern of not trusting
other men to show up.

I get a big aha about this.
My mother died when I was 12.
I have continued a pattern that is up for
healing always
that can make a connection with a woman
when we are physically intimate extremely
significant. This is stimulated by the years of
unmet love and the sense of abandonment
i felt from my mother when I was a kid.

I do not imagine Harpo abandoned you, Tina
because he thought there was something wrong with you.
It was mainly that deep down he thought there was something
wrong with him. I imagine he did not want to confront the pain
he felt that he was not the good father.

We all have our own inner reasons why we stay away.

We all as well have gobs and gobs of love to give
and we must give it out for our own survival.

Harpo was ashamed of his own life and sexuality.
He was a Spirit as I have said who lived out a very special
archetype, and like my own father, he was a gift to his
community and not his own children.

There is some prophecy about these times
when the sons forgive the fathers. I wish I could
say it exactly. I can't right now.

Harpo, I know is asking for forgiveness now.
I want to celebrate the good he did
as I hope others will celebrate the good I have done
when I leave this body.

He was a man on a mission.
He had a mission because in some sense he
was bigger than life.
He had a mission because he was also very small
and could not give and receive from those who would
naturally have deserved his attention.

So we have these scratches.
What can I do to make the most of this life
as it is?

That is the question for me.

leslie
on Father's Day

 

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