Being Clear with myself about Love. Sharing my truth in this moment.

Date:   5/6/2006 5:18:05 PM ( 18 y ago)

2:46 PM
May 5, 06

Did some amazing work this morning
creating two Very Creative pieces for
Whole Foods.

In the midst of this Creation
with Tons of Divine Help,
I felt an impulse,
Really Strong
as if my body was feeling
my former Muse all over me.

I So wanted to hear from her yesterday
and she was in touch
and I was about to break my fast
and composed a incredible flow
of poetry words about keeping my
distance not because I loved her
less but because I loved her so much!

And, then, then, I was interwhining
her with this marvelous New Creation
which was like Making Love to the Universe.
The New Creations were so Exquisite
and I am going now to print them in 3D.

I tried to get them up.
Something is corrupted with the PC
where I upload. I am not sure what is going on.
I am not sure if it is more than a shortage of space.

Maybe a Virus is doing something.
In any case I can't show you all
unless I figure out a different way.
I can send them email.

But before this I had this Amazing Revelation.
I started to project later into the day and feel
the anxiety I would be feeling if I had made contact
with the Muse and sent that love note.
I would have started the whole cycle over again
likely.

I started to understand what the Aruvedic Master
was saying when I asked his take the other day.

He said something about Control Issues.
I am sure we both have them.

I Realized I am not for the most part in relationship
with Her. I am in relationship with Control Issues.
There is no real consistent healthy flow.

I do believe from time to time we would get transparent
and this is so consistently marvelous
for but the most part, we both have these Control issues
and manipulations going back and forth.

I started to see the meaning of what the Devil is...
as the Essenes say,
The Adversary within...
I started to see what Jesus was doing in the Desert
on his Fast. I could see what he was really fighting.

I started to see the meaning of the Narrow Place
that I call the Crack in the Enchanted Garden work,
and what the Mystics call Epypt, the Narrow Place
the place of misery. We are so many of us addicted
to this Narrow Place.

They also use the metaphor of the Puffed up bread,
the :"Chamitz." The stuff you are not suppose to
eat during the Passover journey from Slavery to Freedom.
The Puffed Wheat, so to speak, that you do not eat
at Passover is the Stuff, such as the Control Issues
that we are so full of.

So what is Liberation?
It is the tearing down of this Stuff in the Birth Canal,
the Crack,
this Chamitz, this white bread, so to speak,
this Fragmented yucky stuff that we carry
and that we are In relationship with.

Good God, I would love to be in relationship
with this woman.

Yes, I would, even a friendship.

But I cannot Trust myself right Now.

One friend was saying yesterday,
that it is not Love Addiction.
IT is just the honest feelings when we
share our heart.

Yes, that is true,
but we need to have decernment about
who we share our heart with
especially when they are saying
how clearly or transparently that they do not
love us in the way we love them.
What can be more blunt
or more honest.

What can be more abusive
and painful if we continue
to put out a quality of heart space
toward someone who really
does not want this.
We have to Stop the leak
and get readjusted to how we love ourselves.

Yes, they were able to share this wonderful Love
from time to time, and this was
what was so difficult.
They could share the most precious
heartspace, and maybe it is natural
to them to share it and then pull it in
or maybe it is the Devil--the Adversary
within, the Control issues.

Good God, she deserves all the experiences
and love she asks for with whomever she needs this.
Jensen always said, Never take away an
experience a person needs.

Need
Need
It is natural to need.

I love the clarity of Marshall Rosenberg
who bases his very Whole philosophy of Peacemaking
on recognizing that we each have needs.

Needs are natural.
Being Needy is a Jackel
evaluation of some kind of obsevation
about how we respond when we get so
stuck that are needs are not being met.

I do not have a clue how this whole system works.
I have a sense that it can work.
That it can help two or more people truly be in relationship
with the transparent self.

I do not believe that we start this way
that we start transparent.
but it is these marvelous tools
call them gardening tools of the Soul
or Non Violent Communication Tools
that can help two people not call emotional fallout
bad names but welcome in with compassion
and Love their way through it.

Compassionate communication
that is what Rosenberg calls it.

He goes into places like Palestine where
they would like to cut him in pieces
and 40 minutes later he is being welcomed
into their homes as family.
What kind of skills does he have that can
do this?

This is a Jew, Rosenberg
being welcomed into the hearts of Palestinians.
The guy deserves a Nobel Peace Prize and will get
it for his Heart and Soul inspired work.

How grand.
How very special to fall in love
and allow another to grab us by the balls
and heart and throw us for a loop\
into the Crack.
What Soul inspired service.

What can we do but Love?
Rosenberg says, Love is not a feeling,
it is something we do.

Please explain that, I may be too dense
right now to get that.

Maybe She understands that naturally
when She is in her right mind.

Love is not a feeling, it is a natural Need
something a Woman does naturally.

I thought I had it...She could open totally
while love making and say the most incredible
things in that moment. I made the mistake
of imagining that these expressions in the moment
true Love indicated something beyond
the full on expression of a need fulfilled
a need expressed.

He says, you are not suppose to get attached
to your requests or what you need.

I am stuck in my own needs.

I have not Re mem bered all of me
yet so I can just Be in this.

I am too manipulative
too controling.
too deal making.
I would have her still in bed
even for a day a year.

IT is screwed up
and that is an evaluation
not just an observation.

I got to find me.
I got to find me through the
days when I want her to be in touch
and then she does get in touch.

One of the Rosenberg little books is called
"Being Me
Loving You"
A Practical Guide
to Extraordinary Relationships

I better start reading
and being the person who
can have that
and accept the other as they express.

Forgive me, Sweet Woman,
I am not All there yet

___
Back Cover:

Love is Something you "Do"

Many of us think of love as a strong emotion,
a feeling we have for another person.
Marshall Rosenberg's Non Violent Communication
helps us take a wholly different and life-enriching approach
to love. Love is something you "do,"
something you give freely from the heart.
Learn how to express yourself nakedly nad honestly
to your partner, friends, or family,
for no other purpose than to reveal
what's present or alive in you.

Discover what thousands of people around
the world already know;
A heart to heart connection
strengthened by joyfully giving
and receiving from the heart
is the love you long to experience.

Published by PuddleDancer PRess
Http://www.NonviolentCommunication.com

##

 

Popularity:   message viewed 1669 times
URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=971176

<< Return to the standard message view