Sunday morning thoughts..Please with this. I am going to send this to Barry Panter with the Creativity and Madness Conferences.

Date:   3/19/2006 8:43:50 PM ( 18 y ago)

March 19, 06
8:16 AM

I confess,
I am not normal.
I once read a poem in an ever so brief
closing ceremony for the first East Coast show
of the International New Age Trade Show.
The organizer of the show, Suzie, honored me
by allowing me to be the Enchanted Gardener
for the whole show.

The authors who spoke paid a lot of bucks
no doubt to be on that program.
One of them was an MD in the genre of
the Gesuntheit Doctor, what is his name?
the doctor Robin Williams played in the movie
about his life? Slips my mind.
I slapped the real man in the face once
at the Celebration of Community in 1993.
He said, " I needed that!"
Big, tall guy. I could hardly reach up that far,
but oh so beautiful inside and out.

The doctor at the show, he wrote a book
about how Normal was nothing anyone should
aspire to be.

I can get his point.
We live in a world today that is madly insane.
Madly, madly insane.

They say all the monkeys in cages in zoos
are madly insane. They really don't like being caged.
Neither do you and I.

Dr. Jensen said something similar.
He said that the blood count of most people
was so low that this was called normal,
but it was not high enough for good natural health.

That was why he recommended doing something
as abnormal as making green juices, high in Chlorophyll.

Jensen was not a normal person.
He often said, "Most people die in bed."
He wasn't into sleeping too much.
He likely would have lived a lot longer
if he slept more.

He was a member of the Don Quixote school
of Creative Madness.

Here is my favorite quote from Cervantes,
that appears on the "About Leslie"
web site.

http://lesliegoldman.com/AboutLeslie/id35.htm

Basically, the man read so much from dawn
to dusk and dusk to dawn
he went completely insane and then went
nuts. The character who inspired the story,
if there was such a man, was definitely
creatively mad. The inspiration
of this man has inspired a lot of great songs.
I love the song, "To Dream the Impossible Dream."

What was the show tune called?

So at that show, that International New
Age Trade Show, James Wanless, a great friend,
was the MC. He hooked me in.
I had 60 seconds. I led the group in #7 of
The Seven Love Cures, that ends,
"Let's touch, here on earth, as we touch, everywhere.

James later told me that he received more
comments and complements all day long for
the 60 second closing than for the other three speakers.

I guess what I did was that abnormal.
I led the group in repeating the words to the poem.
Then I invited everyone to hug.

I guess not too many speakers at that show
had the nerve to suggest such a radical idea
among the Buyers who had come for the unique
Products.

I have been living off some interesting coaching
the last two months or so, that has been giving me
some real stress.

My longest standing advisor told me sized up
the situation with my Best Friend this way:
She was my drug of choice. I was like an alcoholic.
It made me feel better to have contact with her.
It really bothered me to admit how much I love this woman.
If I did not have contact for a period of time,
I started to feel unnerved and not myself.

It likely triggered childhood abandonment issues.
My mother died when I was 12. That is a deep scratch,
a deep crack.

In my abnormal way of viewing,
at the bottom of the Cracks in us,
is the Soul. Above this is the turmoil,
waiting to be worked out. As we do,
this creates Soul Growth....

The Soul is in perfection. The paradox,
is that like God, is appears to shift degrees
of presence in our life. In other words,
the Soul is already perfect, but we do not
know this. Through raising our own consciousness,
we embrace the Soul. The goal of God
is to have the Soul, our individuality that is God,
here, right here on Earth. To the extent the Soul is the active
force in our lives,
we are growing the Enchanted Garden here and now.

My Coach was telling me, that I would have
a better life, if I cut out my Best Friend.
My Best friend, already cut out the sex between
us. She did not like me falling off the wagon
emotionally from time to time.

To Truth is, that is my Style.
I am Up. I am Down.

In the 20th Century some call this being
Manic-Depressive. Others call this Bi-Polar.
I wish I were only Bi-Polar. I am more
Tri- or Multi-Polar. I am like Humpty Dumpty,
broken into so many pieces that it is feels
like a miracle at times, that I am here at all.
Bi-Polar? Maybe that is why I like Polar Bears.


My friend William Spear, a really great good hearted
man who has raised three precious offspring of sons
with three Prophet names--let's see--Micah, Jonah, Joshua--
once told me that he also thought I could be FIXED
if I did a lot of Chi Gong. Then he said, what would be
the point? I would likely be normal, and less myself.


one time, when he caught a sense of the Uniqueness
of what I was about, started opening doors for me.
He once asked me, if I wanted to be on Oprah?
He seemed to be able to make that happen or new
people who could. I felt, I wasn't ready for Prime Time.

On another occasion, William launched by
International Debut as a teacher. He invited me to a conference
on Feng Shui and Ecology.

His assistant said she knew how everyone else would
draw and who they were. I was the "Wild Card."
My workshop was an evening program. Everyone
planted dreams. Lots of people cried and felt the
heart as in no other session. The lady who wasn't sure
about me was full of accolades. He liked the authenticity,
or veracity as another person said.

There is an expression, go out and break a leg!
They say that when performers are about to open a show.
I literally fell a broke a knee three days before I was
due to travel across the country.

My friend Helena had said she would take me to the airport.
When I told her, I had fallen, she was very sad for me.
"You were really counting on going to that. So sorry
you will not be able to go!"

It never dawned on me not to go.
I crossed the country in a wheelchair.
I actually enjoyed the drugs I was on.
No pain, lots of sleep.

My friend Lurrae was my assistant.
She picked me up at the airport. She took care of me.
We even visited Walden Pond, where I kept a 100 year
committment to return there. Henry David Thoreau
and I are old friends.

Before Lurrae delivered me back to the airport.
We visited William Spear in his office. He showed
me a drawer filled with all kinds of money from
so many countries where he had been doing his
Feng Shui work.

I did so well in Connecticut, that I asked William,
"So what is next possible between us?"
William said, "I am not interested in what is possible
between us. I am interested in what is impossible."

William is the kind of guy who has his values in the right place.
He once had a project to create Silent Oceans so the whales
could have a bit of peace of from mechanics on the high seas
for a few moments. When the Tsunami hit, he was right over
there with doctors seeming what he could do.

When his father was about to die, that was where he was,
right in bed with the man who had given him birth, right behind
him, body to body, helping his dad's soul leave in a good way.

William is a good friend of Elizabeth Kubla Ross. Whenever
he was in her part of the country, he would go to visit.
Whenever he is in India, he visits the Dalai Lama and if
I remember right, may be his house guest.

William doesn't have normal values. One of his
favorite people in New York is a taylor who sowed buttons
on for Peter Jennings. He likes people for other motives
that how good they are at looking good, or succeeding
in normal ways.

I received a lot of healing during the last two weeks
when I submitted a scholarship application
for the Creativity and Madness Conferences, put on
my a man named Barry Panter.

Barry has written a book on Creativity and Madness.
I found a list of authors I admire when I Googled for
Creativity and Madness. The list included some really great
people.

{See Scholarship application here:
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=1298


Yesterday, I was wearing a blue teeshirt that
I picked up at the Internatiional New Age Trade Show.
on the back it says:

"It doesn't interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for.,
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart's longing.'
--from The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It is really amazing
when I tell the truth about what my
heart yearns for:

For more than five and a half years,
I have gone back and forth with
being lover not lover lover
not lover, lover not lover with
my best friend.

The most amazing thing is,
in spite of all this coming and going,
she rarely, if ever said she did not want
to be my friend.

We tried on every conceivable way
to be friends+, or friends plus sex,
or friends w/o sex, as well as duirng the early
years what she called Lovers--you know
an item.

Most recently, she is committed
that we will never, ever, ever,
ever, make love again.

I have to admit, this has caused me--
as usual--some deep heart aches--
I also have to admit, that thanks to
her, I have learned to make love
in more than 1000 ways, including
non-sexually. This has served me well.
At the International Feng Shui conference,
last August, I had a handful of very special
women, who were quite comfortable calling
me "sweetheart' or other words of affection,
simply because they appreciated that
I did Know so many non-sexual
ways to make love to a woman.

It is not uncommon for women to
lavish innocent affection on me,
regardless of being in committed relationships
with others. I am honored to be privy
to information that seldom passes beyond
what is called "girl talk."
Maybe that is because I truly adore women.
I am fascinated and this is the source for
The Seven Love Cures, the seven poetry plaques
that no doubt will make a stir on this planet
before I am out of this body and composting
under a tree somewhere.

So I admit it, I have loved making love
to my Best Friend, and for the Life in me
and in her, I can see where behaving normally
about this--in other words--wanting, and yearning
for something that is likely no longer in the cards--
has simply been causing a lot of pain in this universe.

She still wants to be friends.
I can be that.

There is a bit of writing that comes to mind right now.
It is a story on the World's Greatest Lovers site.
You can read it here. IT is a story about
two sisters who lost years of love between them
because one was given brass and the other silver
dinnerware by their mother's inheritance. They lost
years of friendship and care. The grief never ended.
The story ends with the line. Brass? Silver?
I would rather have the love.

http://www.lesliegoldman.com/Worlds_Greatest_Lovers/id31.htm

So what does my heart yearn for?

I am a scorpio. I love intimacy of all kinds.
I am here in this body, inspite of all my Stuck Bones
and hips help together with screws and Titanian
to leave a legacy of great writings behind me.

I already have more Great Writiings sitting in dust
on my shelves to make more than enough happiness
for my life and our suffering world.

I want to SEE them out.
I don't want to live attached to being the Lover
of this or that woman.

I want to SEE my writings out and sleep with them
in my bed, piled as high as the stack my friend
Mark Victor Hansen holds.

I am heading for the Natural Product Expo West
this week. My yearning is to just get there
safe and sound and enjoy taking photos of the
heads of the Natural Food Industry.

They give away a lot of free candy bars at that show--
I mean a whole lot.

My Best Friend--her very sweet father--in now dying.
Oh, does he Love Candy Bars!! You know what
I am going to do.

This is what I am going to do.
I am going to collect every God awful
so called candy bar they have at the Natural Product
Expo West. I am going to stuff some bags with
them. I am going to drop them off at the home
of my Best Friend, some time after the Expo.
I am going to drop them off, and I hope she
takes them into her, and her home, and lays them
out all around the bed of her sweet dear father
who once raged at her as my father raged at me.

I hope they bring some dying happiness
to that human life of her father.
That is the kind of thing that William Spear would do
if not something more outrageous.

I have neglected my own father, who is now elder in years.
I guess I am still paying him back for all the neglect
he showed me when I was a kid, but you know,
all that needs to end.

Withholding Love--that kind of Love that is asked for--
not asked for--is hurtful for our Earth.

My heart--my Soul--it is so FUN loving, so abnormal,
so very abnormal.

I thank God for Life and this Winter now passing.
This has been without a doubt the longest, most miserable
Winter in years I have created, except maybe last winter,
or the winters before.

Let's face it. I seem to get a lot out of ordeals
and impossible situations
and I get a lot out of joy, and love, and happiness,
and work, and laying around doing nothing with the
Right Woman if/when ever it will be time
for her, whomever she is, to show up again.

Genius is by nature imbalanced.
Genius is not normal.
Such is goes with the territory of being me.
I had better just accept it.

One day, I will be writing you from Europe in some
kind of Cyber Cafe. Someday, you will read about
Your Enchanted Gardener, and I know all this will happen
through learning what I am being served on my
overful plate--and I know all this will happen
with a Little Help from my Friends.

Your Enchanted Gardener,
Leslie


9:47 AM
a couple days before Spring
2006

















 

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