uncomfortable feelings...

Date:   3/1/2006 2:29:01 PM ( 18 y ago)

Squirming in my Skin
3/.1/06
12:08 PM
after noon

Feeling very uncomforable to my body.
Lots of lovely visions during the night
and then, then early in the morning
I had a panic attack about future of the house.
I have not had this one in my consciousness
for a while, and I was surprised to see it come up.
I get it is one of those issues on hold
in my subconscious.

Yesterday was all about feeling it would not work
out with a new housemate who is gung ho to garden
but by later eve, after going back and forward on this,
our last communication seemed to quell my fears
that this could work out.

She is an older woman.

My plan was to get some bills paid today,

and then burn a copy of the CD for the Organic Trade Association.

I still have in mind to go up to LA for part of the Trade Show
sourrounding the MEGA Marketing Magic Seminar. The seminar
itself is three days and very experience. I have it in my mind
to use this opportunity to recommend with Mark Victor Hansen
who lifted up my work last time I saw him, last Spring.

Then Michael wanted to come over to get a check for some
gardening work,

and this turned into trying to figure out how to
set up a Quicken Report
to record income and payments for
gardening
and this turned into about an hour in the garden,
and lots of extraneious thoughts coming into my mind
about how to get the Chain Saw working,
how to get this power hoe working--a tool I remembered
we had in the shed--a gift from a neighbor...
will it work?

Michael dropped a seal from a gas can and then
here he was looking for it on the ground.

"Do you have a flash light?" he asked.
I felt so out of my skin, wanting to get back to my work,
and I could not lay my hands on a flashlight.
I am not sure there is one functional...
one more thing to get fixed.

Oh, my God, please, I am so out of myself.
Where is my spirituality? Where is my peace?
I am feeling so driven by the impulse to want to
go up there and shake some trees for The Seven Love Cures
with the marketing mavens.

Yesterday morning was another nightmare that brought
up energies I had to clear regardling relationship stuff.
That went pretty well.

So writing is helping a bit.
What do I want to do now?
IT is 12:22 PM.

Some bills...
find the tax bill due this month.
Some bank deposit.

Can I get to the CD.

Oh, God, I am suppressing feelings....
I feel so possessed to go up to LA,
and the tension between how the house
physicality takes so much to manage
is eating at me.

I feel I cannot breathe. I want to have time
to move The Seven Love Cures out.

Why am I so attached to going on this trip?
It seems to represent success.
I would like to be around successful people
in the field for a little bit. Can I do this?
Can I switch out of where I am now?

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