Stopping to record some thoughts.

Date:   2/25/2006 4:56:20 PM ( 18 y ago)

2:42 PM
February 25, 06

About to go out and spend a couple
hours seeing if I can figure out if I can get
any results with laminations that are professional
enough to sell.

I found some sheets of old laminate
and will run that through the machine
down at Mail Boxes Express in the neighborhood.

I made a contact with a company that sells
top supplies. They only sent me one sheet to try.
That is disappointment. I can hardly do enough tests
to see if it is in fact the old laminate that is faulty.

Then there is the $80.00 buck Xerox laminator
I bought. I will run some sheets through this
and see if I can get any results worth keeping this.

In all likelinhood, I will invest in a $325.00 machine
for the company that sent the top of the line single sheet.

All this is fun and games.
A way to spend a couple hours
diversion from the real issues at hand.

I went to a Jewish Renewal activity this morning.
Mainly, to see some friendly faces. I really don't get into
the conventional prayers as a way to connect to God.

Intimacy is my way to connect to God.

I am amazed to bring my core issues with me to these events
and express myself to Ellen Dosick, who is a deep ally.

She does counseling all day.
She says everyone she knows is in crisis now.

The Mantra is...Gosh I forgot the Mantra that she says
she is using....something about it is suppose to be this way right now.

I speak to another person. She can really relate.
All my deepest core issues are up now--
major foundational challenge.

I am stunned to see that most of us take our intimacy
needs to a therapist.

Some are lucky and do have a network of intimates set up.

I feel so lonely inside. That is my honest to God Truth.
profoundly lonely and very frightened to feeling such core
issues with few people safe enough to talk to about them.

Can you relate?

I am stunned that I--and many of you--
have set up our world like this.

It is hard to believe that many of us
really suffer from a lack of intimacy,
people to really share the deepest with.

I recently had experiences where I felt
I was shut out because I really expressed what I was feeling.

Unless, two people or more really express the deep stuff,
it is not going to ever have a chance to come up and out.
We will never get through it.

I do not believe we can ever attract a person who is other
than where we are at unless we find a way in, deeply in,
but who has the tools to really get in without support
and safety from others? That is the paradox.

We all needs friends--deep friends
to shift the patterns that we have.

much more to say.
I have to go.

strong medicine:

http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=1308



 

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