Day of Transformation...

Date:   2/23/2006 3:57:00 PM ( 18 y ago)

What a day!
Too tired to write more about today!
Will continue this when I get a second wind!
love,
Leslie

7:34 PM
February 23, 06

____
I am in process
writing this....
Back soon to write more...1:52 PM

Michael is gardening in the front yard.
Donna is renewing the tomato patch...
I have to print up some moving in agreements.

She called yesterday.
She said this place was a dream come true.

Insights:

I am mad...real crazy now....
really over the edge...
hardly a bandaid holding me together...
we try so hard to hold it together with
bandaids...this are our addictions...
What we attempt to do to cover over the deep
pit.

Some of us have children to keep us busy
from seeing how abandoned we are to ourself.
It is a slow process...filled with shameful moments
when we fall into the Crack and see
Oh my God, I do not want to be in this place...
it is too scary....

the universe conspires to have us trip up.
We do it for each other...
by falling in love.
This is the meaning of the Falling part.
We are intended to lose control
because we are holding on to our additions.
the booze...
each other...
the food eating
on things that are not good for us..
we know that, but we cannot stop
to look at the Pain
because the Pain hurts so much
and it is so frightening
to lose control...

more later....

1:56 PM

Intense...scab torn off...
to be transformed...

emotional wounds underneath...

So ashamed to admit....
extremely addictive personality
to keep balance this is what I have done...

A big hole...
where I am not present.
where I am self abandoned myself
ran away from this place...



Arthur....when he started to see again...
No idea how down I am...

Donna disappeared...
where did she go...


Strawberries and carrots for Mark...

 

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