Caring for my own heart...

Date:   2/17/2006 10:21:08 AM ( 18 y ago)

Friday
February 17
8:03 AM

Up early---felt to get out of bed around six but stayed
there, until I could feel that if I stayed in bed much longer
the monster heart pain might return from the depths.

Kind of afraid to express the feelings this morning,
what kind of care do we need to give to our own heart?

Friend Morea still in Washington D.C.speaks to breaking up
years ago and a pain so deep it went all the way to her
back and felt as if it would break the sternum.

She says care for your own heart physical when the emotions
are hurting like this.

Found myself twice in bed, giving self love to my inner child,
there is no blame, but this morning I feel some angry
because her own need is so much greater right now
and I want to be here for her as family crisis is up.

She knows that my heart hurts when with such a decision
to pull back. IT is the opening and closing
opening and closing
opening and closing of my own heart.

There is no sense hoping, she will give
moments of being fully open. Maybe I can
make a better choice to be with someone
who wants to stay open. Silly fantasy right now.

Out with my own cat o nine tails, am I damaged goods
for loving the way I do?

This is a waste of time to even express these thoughts.
Where is this going to get me?
Folly.

Been doing things for an hour already.
Clearing my desk some...piling some bills...
gosh, they are piling up...

Oh, there, there, a breath of light from some
clear space now to my left
from taking out the trash.

I feel spirit with me in this instant
and I was filled fully this early morning
with some brilliant ideas that can work.

Another day of sitting, sitting, sitting
I am glad I start the day washing my own dishes
taking out the trash.

Time to set up notebooks would be good.

Where is the Jewish Renewal happening tomorrow?





 

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