I'm Still here...some thoughts...

Date:   2/16/2006 3:26:11 PM ( 18 y ago)

I was doing something this morning
when my energy Cracked and I felt
this deep wound that goes all the way back to Childhood.

I have decided to keep friendship with
my Best Friend, though letting the sexua| form go.

She inspired #4 of The Seven Love Cures called "Soul Mates."

I just talked to her last night.
She gave me a lot of herself,
through sharing of her own persent life dilemmas
that have nothing to do with me, but gave me a lot of insight into me.

We feel like Twin Souls.
Many of our patterns are the same,
many of them the same.

She gave me the choice a couple nights ago.
Was I comfortable talking to her?
Could she call me, and email?
What was my comfort zone?

I said be in touch.
Last night, when I felt the need I called her.

This morning I was in good shape,
but then I felt this deep longing.
It goes through her but goes deeper to the original wound
of the child being abandoned by the mother.

Isn't that why we have a tendency to get attached
to every woman we will love
and every man we will love, until we break the cycle?

Many advisors say, cut off communication with
with the one you feel you can't "live: without.
They compare it to an alcoholic who wants "one for the road,"
imagining "One for the road" is within safe boundaries.

When I felt the Crack open, I was stunned.
I was feeling good. I had lots of early morning inspirations.
I felt no heart pain of longing. Maybe I was still
drunk, or maybe sober, I cannot say.

All I know is, as if out of nowhere, from a place inside the body,
I started to feel this discomfort as I was working here.

It intensified. I got up and went to my bed.
I layed down. I put my hands on my heart and started
to speak to my inner children, giving lots of love
and self assurance.

My friend Morea talks about being with the feelings
that come up and giving them no story.

That is hard to do. I wanted to work on a revision of my
shopping cart. I wanted to call Mark Victor Hansen's office
and relay a message that I would be showing up at the Free Trade Show
of his MEGA Marketing Seminar.

I told Debbie, his Executive Secretary to relay a message
that I would be at the Trade show, and if he wanted to give me
entry to the Seminar that would be great.

She wanted to put me over to registration. I do not have a $1500.00
price tag right now to pay out.

I arranged housing with friends. I will show up for the Trade Show.
I will likely bring Mark some organic strawberries a few organically
grown by the Rodriguez family that I will pick up Saturday morning,
each of the jewels priceless and a gift.

He once said I had the biggest heart of anyone on the planet.
I will give what I can, and take in what I can.

He has opened doors for me before, but his staff is relentless
that there is only one way through that door and it is called
officially register.

I have completed the first of a revised version of
"Your Creation," #1 of The Seven Love Cures"
for the Web site.

I am up from that bed.

I know it is not asking anyone to give me what I need to give myself.

I have my game face on.
I am facing a deep foundational shift of one kind or another
here at home. I feel resolved I will break this down into small
pieces, and see my way through.

I will get through the Crack.
I will rise up and go through my attachments
even though it is not the way that most people would do it.

I am going to put that first Love Cure on the web now,
and see how it looks on my revised Shopping Card page.

I am going to send an email to Debbie, Mark's exec Sec
to forward to him. He may or not see it.

I need to do what I see to do and stand up inside me.

I need to take this journey.
My life is unmanageable.
It has always been unmanageable but for brief
moments.

I will give myself the love that is asked.

God is Love.

Your EG





 

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