Morning Thoughts...I feel burdered with work that lacks meaning. Help me, dear God, find meaning in the every day.

Date:   1/10/2006 12:05:07 PM ( 18 y ago)

Once years ago, during the Mandala formative
years of the Holistic Health Movement, I had a friend
Alice. We would take trips on occasion and each moment
seemed sometihing to be realised. We were friends with
Linda too, my harp friend.

Once we went out to Jensen's ranch during the days when
he would travel a lot. I wonderful poem came out of that.
It had a lot ot do with him not being home, and who was
watching the trees grow.

I am feeling very heavy hearted this morning.

I just spent about 1 hr and 45 minutes doing the mundane
chores (spiritual exercises?) that go with having a body and a house
where the body lives
and taking care of both.

I swept the bathroom.
Emptied the bathroom trash.
Emplied my crock pot.
Emplied a spillover gallon jar that I used
during dark to hold some crock pot food
that I wanted to dump in a place on the ground
I use. I was ready for a new stew and this left over
had gone too long in the crock pot.

I washed some of my diskes on my desk.
I refilled my water bottles that I keep in my room.

I cleaned the stove top with a little Bon Ami
and a sponge, and talked a bit to Norah, new housemate,
on her way to work.

I watered the Bird of Pardise at the end of the drive way,
thinking of Beloved who has hers in such beautiful shape;
and took the water house around to some pots.

The heaviness came with realizing that eight other people
are living here now. The organization is not happening--
the time taken--to delineate everyday upkeep.

A chart is needed, and I do not want to slow down to make it.
I thought H would be doing that, but maybe she is holding something
against me .

Tomorrow Rainbow will come a fix a small window I broke
through going too fast, and maybe take on some leaks in the kitchen.

Yesterday, I thought I would pay bills, but surrendered the whole
day to working with photos and allowing erotic images of Beloved
to inspire the showing I will do Feb 2 at the Erotic Museum.

I organized a lot of photos, and then after dark, started to
work with finances.

Today, I could spend the rest of the day paying bills and
maybe get to organizing a few systems.

I am looking ahead to the weekend when I will have some
joyfilled intimacy, but what of these days that I would hope would
also feel precious?

I am sad I have created some many things to do in my life,
more things that I feel I can accomplish well.

I was thinking yesterday...well maybe I should be happy for
all the Big things I have done in my life. I truly have influenced
Consciousness through my activities through holding the space
for the Enchanted Garden.

And yet, what do I want now?

I am 58. I would like to retire into my second "adulthood"
spending time in loving touch with the Special Person who
seems to add some excitement to my life, and intimate
communications.

I don't know what I can accomplish now that doesn't seem
a drudge. Please, please, dear God, help me find meaning
in my everyday existence. Help me find the spirit in this
world.

Remind me this are important days and hours
of preparation.

Help me fill in the emptiness i feel with gardening again,
and a new faces of gardeners who want to share in
making an Enchanted Garden right here and Now.

The Enchanted Garden Welcomes You!
The Enchanted Garden Welcomes Me!
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=1071
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Your EG

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