jumped out of bed to shift my energy....

Date:   1/5/2006 12:01:24 AM ( 18 y ago)

5:36 Am
January 4, 06

jumped out of bed
just now with uncomfortable body sensations....
fear coming through me, dread of the day.
more desire to stay in the inspiration of bed.

I better get up and capture the lovely night time
thoughts that were so inviting, so uplifting.

1. Work Incentives program.

They pay total rent, and turn in a sheet of 12 hour work they did
the month previous. I write check for work done at $10.00 an hour.
Also: Did you do everyday cleanup? See the list on the EGIC
site, review them Leslie....if they do these...then they can do extra
work for a list. Work toward everyone turning in the full amount,
and then I do checks back for work done.

2. Scott's Cottage industry

Turn on the Light. plaque says "Ease the Darkness. Use Candle
image for first template from Channukah Poem.

3. When Norah arrives, invite her to go to the Therapy pool with me.
She has arthritis too she said. I would feel more comfortable, would
overcome my resistance if I had a buddy who went with me. Maybe
Kathy would go too sometimes? She could massage me in the pool
and maybe get some clients for her massage practice.

went to CODA meeting last night in the neighborhood with Kathy.
Co-Dependent Anomomous Meeting. I have not gone to anything
like this in many years. Many very lovely people were there. IT was
refreshing to be sitting around hearing everyone working so authentically
on their growth material. Some really pretty people were there.
IT was a 12 step study group. I opened the book and saw some very
on target things I have been feeling in print.

I feel my close intimate relationships are a gift. They bring up
these below the surface feelings that most of us have. We are not alone.
Why imagine there is anything wrong with us just because we have
these feelings that are par for the course of choosing to be born in this
fragmented world that breeds not being home in ourselves. These Meetings
provide tremendous support and they are free and they are everywhere.
People get together and can rant, or express, or say what they are feeling
and it is all very private and respected. It is basically free. There are meetings
everywhere on every subject you want to work on. I am going to go
to more of these. Why feel I am alone in these issues that will naturally come
up in anyone who comes from a childhood that has been wounded.

I do not feel a person needs to isolate themselves from love just because
they feel uncomfortable body sensations, or emotions. The key is
the willingness of both partners to bring to light what they are feeling.
The very act of listening, and communication, and being heard transforms.

Hey, for these meetings. Hey for the opportunity to work and listen
and be inspired by others who are in pain and want to get out of their
pain by doing something about it. There are steps we can take.
Taking these steps lifts ourselves and everyone.

I am going to be writing my Love Cures book this year, so this will
provide a focus. I need to be involved in relationship work. I do not
need to be bringing all my issues to my loved ones. They have their
own issues and they have other things to do with their time as well.

I do not believe in the adage that people gain strength merely through
woring it out alone and proving to themselves they are strong enough
to stand on their one two feet by abstaining from the love that is around them.

I feel that yes, we need to do self love and nurturing and have time alone
or we go nutsso, but we also need to keep moving through the issues
by expressing our feelings, and expressing them often. Otherwise
the feelings become like an ingrown toenail. We get frustrated because
nothing is changing. Every day the same prison of our own making.

Hearing others and getting support is like recieving freshets of new water.

back to bed
thanks for reminding me I am not alone.
that is my illusiion.

5:57 AM

I am loved.
I am loveable.
I am self loveable.
I am capable.
I can go through the difficutl things
before me today.

I can work on finances today
and enjoy the results.

I can go through the day and not feel
bad if I distracted by other things
I did not anticipate.

I can accept my circumstances.
I can work through my circumstances
by getting to the bottom of the feelings
and accepting that this is the way my life is now.
I can choice other responses to how life is now.

I have moments of exquisite respite with loved ones.
I have moments alone. I have moments in focused work.
I have a good life of service to my purpose.
I have moments when I get to rejoice in hearing
and loving close relations who trust me.
I have painful times. I have uncomfortable times.
All these things are natural and go with being alive.



 

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